Vapo, thank you. I actually do forgive her. I know that she was hurting, and did what she thought needed be done. I don't agree with it. But honestly, right now if a switch were flipped, and we were bettering our R, then we would only be out a few months of pain and a few thousand dollars. The money will come, the pain is worth it in the end. As long as we learn and grow from it.
I guess maybe I am close to the right path. I will pull back more though. W is asking me for favors with the kids even more. Asked what my schedule is for the week of Thanksgiving, and assumed that I would keep the boys while she worked. Didn't ask on that one, just assumed.
I am torn by this. Is she starting to test the waters and reach out, is she just flat out using me? She then texted me about babysitters for the day prior to turkey day. That's on her, I pay support and it is to be used for that. It doesn't matter to me who she has keep them as long as they are safe and happy. I don't even need included on those conversations. And another about a Dr bill that she had to pay. She agreed to pay it, and was just telling me the cost of it. Again, this doesn't concern me. I need to quit watching for a response, I guess. Time to pull back and wait. Time to have some fun for myself.
_______________________
I am grateful today:
Buying a plane ticket to go see a longtime friend next month.
Have the boys the next 2 days
Have a new project here at work to play with
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
D - to be honest, her behavior would confuse me, too. I can't quite get a read on her actions. You're doing the right thing. The only person we know about for sure is you, so keeping the focus on yourself is the smart thing to do.
Picked up boys. W seemed very happy and was very talkative. I tried to leave twice before she let me go. Later she texted me about S8 forgetting his ball shoes (which aren't necessary for practice), and asked if I wanted her to drop them off. Not sure if she just wanted to check up on us or what. I pulled something in my back and smashed a finger today at work. Think I broke it, but no big deal other than its tender. I mentioned to W before she started handing me stuff that I may have broke it and she freaked out. Like she still really cares. Then she told me that her aunt was coming over tonight and spend the night. She didn't seem very excited about it, more like an obligation. I told her to tell her I said hi. Always liked her aunt anyway. She smiled and told me to be careful at ball to not reinjure myself, and gave me suggestions on healing and easing the pain. Talked about our accidental policy and that she was going to check into it tomorrow. I'm still confused, but just said thanks. Wish I knew what she was thinking
Last edited by dday; 11/11/1511:49 PM.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I am still going to try pulling back. I didn't go in the house last night when I picked up the boys. There is a fine line between cold, and just far enough removed that I need to find. W doesn't really ask me anything about myself, but volunteers more about her own life now. That is a step, but I'm not sure if she thinks we will be friends only. That won't work for me.
How do I let her know this, without showing my hand? I really still have the urge to just sit down and have the talk. If we d, she benefits from dragging out the s financially while I struggle. That's a horrible thing to think of your W, but who really knows anymore. I want to ask her out, to see how it feels. I haven't slept in the same bed with her since may. I have gone through this muck for nearly 6 months of s. 10 since bd. I hoped to be home long ago. Between bd and s, we were getting much better, and we had 1 day where I was grumpy and tired and that was it.
I feel much stronger now. Happy with myself. Less stressed about everything but my W. My growth can continue if we were back together. The time apart did me a lot of good, even though it hurts like hell. I am ready, and want so badly, to restart a relationship with my W.
Missing thanksgiving, at least part of it, with the boys I can handle. I have had to work on thanksgiving before. Christmas. That is going to be hard to swallow. I may not be able to forgive there. I can, will, and have forgiven everything up to now. That may be the deal breaker. Mayne that is why I feel the rush to get back together. S6 bday is next week, and it's her day, so I probably won't even see him. That will be terrible. I guess a phone call will have to do
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
D - I'm sorry you're struggling. Until you reach a point of no return, meaning you will be fine no matter the outcome, do not have the talk with your W. The worst that can happen is you get D, which you've clearly indicated you don't want.
If NOT getting D is still your main goal, no talking. If you believe you can continue to DB after a D, and the current situation is harming you too much, then a talk is okay. If you're through waiting, willing to move on, need this over - talk is necessary.
Do you see what I'm saying? Of the three scenarios above, the greatest risk of getting D is gained by talking about the situation right now. She might come to her senses after a talk, but I'd rate the probability as pretty low. You gave plenty of clues that she's still wrapped up in herself. She seems to be coming around somewhat. I don't think the time is right.
That is a step, but I'm not sure if she thinks we will be friends only. That won't work for me.
How do I let her know this, without showing my hand?
What actions have you done so far to suggest to her that you wont accept being friends? Think about it carefully. How would she know this is your feeling?
Ancaire, thanks. Financially, I will be much better off after d, or together. This s is pretty hard on funds. I can keep going down this road for a bit longer. After Christmas, I think the talk is inevitable. If she puts all of us through that, then I think I can be done. I don't want a D. Never will totally be ok with it, I'm sure.
Az, thanks. I have told her before that I can't be just her friend. And that sitting together doesn't work for me unless we are working on us. She has been sitting with me again since halloween. Has she forgotten? Does she want to try? Is she just being mean, while acting nice to me? I don't know.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
