John, thank you as always for your support. It is very funny how we gain so much from this group that we don't even know.
Roiste, I appreciate your kind words and I want to thank you for your continued support for me and my family.
Anc, I have been watching my wife for years and years, you are spot on with that observation. The abuse did happen. She told me back over 20 years ago when we started to become sexual. Maybe I am too close and keep looking and trying to understand why the emptiness.
The support forums for spouses of survivors preaches lowering expectations and way more patience. I think that the big thing here. She is still in her crisis, but I think that a huge difference between mlc and woman in mlc who have had that trauma at such a young age, is there may never be a light at the end of the tunnel with the ability to truly heal the way we rationally understand what healing is...and maybe that just isn't the right term. There are other bugaboo issues that I need to figure out how to broach.
I need to work on better boundaries, that is for sure. I need to reevaluate my gal / family activities. I need to figure out how to find a substitute for genuine intimacy / closeness / being wanted without crossing those lines of integrity.
Jeeze, i feel like i am starting from scratch. Maybe I am just exhausted...it has happened to me before, and that turned into a year of depression. I don't like that prospect. Maybe I am trying to convince myself that it just might not be worth it anymore...if the cost has been and will continue to be too high.
