Wow, mind is blown 10

[dday]

U, I am happy that things seem to be heading in the right direction. It sounds like you are handling it pretty well! Slow and steady. Cool calm and composed. Good job so far, I'm envious! You got this

[Uphill]

I hope so dday, maybe due to where I live it took that conversation and some of the things i said to make her realize I'm not always going to be waiting? I don't live in a large town where people blend in. I guess it is more of a village. No matter how mysterious I was, no matter how much I GAL, there is always somebody that would tell her if I had another girl around. I mean, I can drive through town and tell you who owns which car. If there is a strange one around neighbors ask questions. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to know that the neighbor watch your stuff! But in a situation like this she almost has to know she would have heard if I did "move on".

Funny story about how our little town works. My next door neighbor was on his porch one night and heard 2 guys under my deck at my basement door. He went in his house and got a "protection device". Waited around the corner for them because he knew I was at work and XF and S4 were there alone. My best friend and another buddy came out carrying some stuff I was storing for him. Neighbor said you F--kers are lucky I recognize your face! Haha So sometimes it's nice to have a close knit community for the built in security system, other times like this it's tough to hide or blend in...

[dday]

U, I feel ya. There are less than 1000 in this town. My landlord is 2 houses down. Everyone knows my kids. W works at the business that is gossip central, etc.

I feel like I am close to your feelings too. Let's fix it, or let me be. Mine wants to stay friends, and I can't tell if she is working towards reconciliation or just trying to keep me around for support. I feel that I deserve to be out of limbo though. W filed for legal seperation/ divorce, but the process has stalled after child support.

I am glad that it has taken a turn for the better with you. Congrats!

[Uphill]

It doesn't matter what answer I get tomorrow, I still have a long road ahead of me. Even with best case scenario. There have been a lot of things said and done, not only by XF and myself but people picking sides and digging my hole deeper. Without the outside influance, I don't think we would be where we are in life. A few problems got exaggerated and more complicated with all the he said she said garbage. That is why one of my "rules" if we do end up trying is social media being gone.

Example of that is one day when it was getting rough, a friend of XF who knew PART of the story, posted a very rude/obscene rant aimed right at me, my sister and mother. XF was at work and it stayed up for over 8 hours until she saw it and got it removed. I knew to steer clear but my mom and sister reacted and defended themselves... That is the kind of thing I do not want affecting my life moving forward.

[Dawgs]

Hi Uphill! I am so glad that things are looking good for you! I find it awesome that you jumped in and did what you had to. Sometimes that is what is needed.

Example of that is one day when it was getting rough, a friend of XF who knew PART of the story, posted a very rude/obscene rant aimed right at me, my sister and mother. XF was at work and it stayed up for over 8 hours until she saw it and got it removed. I knew to steer clear but my mom and sister reacted and defended themselves... That is the kind of thing I do not want affecting my life moving forward.

I have this issue also - my mom and sister in law are very quick to judge and jump and say crap without thinking about repercussions. I told my W something very similar to what you did about everyone else falling where they will. But my W is hung up on what my family thinks of her - and sometimes the way she sees things (even if they aren't there). I just wish my family would stay out of it.

[Uphill]

I told my family and any friends that I have spoken to about the situation to basically cut the $hit. Explained it that I am in now way saying they are wrong to defend themselves, BUT every time they do, it's making my life harder. Lately it hasn't been near as bad as it was. There is still one "friend" of hers who makes sly, ignorant comments and you know where they are directed. Difference is, nobody is giving her a reaction. That is a huge plus!

[Dawgs]

Good for you! That is awesome, Uphill!!!

[Uphill]

Touching on your prior post, about what your family thinks. Family influance is huge. Early on in this, thier advise was f*** the b****, you're better off without her. I've heard it all. Even my best friend told me the same things. I guess they don't understand if they haven't gone through it? After a while and getting sick of hearing it I sat down with my parents first. I started by saying, I appriciate everything you are doing for me. Standing behind me, sticking up for me, ect... Then I pointed at a picture of S4 on thier wall. I said, I get that you want the best for me, but what is best for him?!?! It was silent for a few minutes as mom and dad stared at each other. Finally dad said to live in a happy home with both of his parents. Mom broke down and said she never sat back and thought of it that way. She was always worried about protecting me.

Long story short, I did the same with my sister one day at my house, and my best friend actually over the phone. Same words, same point. Just let me try to do what is right here. I love her, I love S4. I want the best for both of them so why move on when I can still say that?

Since then I can't say anybody is going out of thier way to pave the path. But they have all been easier on me and not wrecking the road home any worse than it already is. Also keep in mind, shorty after move out day, my mother and XF were fighting to the point I had to get between them and literally rip them apart. Now my mom makes comments about missing her. It all about emotions and controlling them. (Which I suck at)

Maybe that works for you, maybe not? It's free to try buddy...

[Dawgs]

Thanks. I will try that because it is so common sense that I did not see it! Haha.

Now my mom makes comments about missing her. It all about emotions and controlling them.

That's the thing. I know that if I do something like that, it would almost seem forced. See, my family is so stubborn and they only see black and white - no in between, nothing. Guess we will see!

[Uphill]

My family is stubborn also buddy. I knew my only chance to get them to back off, especially mom and sister, was to play the kid card. I don't want to say I played them a bit but I honestly did. I used the only think I had to get them to take a step back. Otherwise I would still be hearing it...