Me: "Did you cook today?" H: (answered immediately, like the same minute immediate) "Need food to do that lol" H: "I've been living on lunch meats" Me: "Do you work until midnight?" H: "Yes" 30 minutes later H: "Why do you ask" one hour later Me: "I'm gonna drop dinner off at the guard up front. It is my tupperware, so you dont have to give it back. However, if you throw the tupperware in my car tonight when you get off, I will drop off more on another night we have extra." H: "OK thx" Me: just texting nonsense about dinner, you need to heat this like this and this goes with that... H: "OK thx again" Me: "Are you on 83? I am giving it to the guard now, I will tell him to call 83? And please dont thx. You would have done the same, I didnt do it so you thanked me. Just enjoy, you need salt..." H: "Yes" (meaning yes, he is on press number 683 (83) tonight so the guard will find him) Me: "The guard has it" Me: After I dropped it off and left... "OMG... Do you need a fork?" H: "Nope I'm good"
Yes, I know I am not helping him by doing this. And I am probably prolonging this stupid process. But he was so thin and my spaghetti is amazing. I gave him thick slices of Italian bread, some cookies and his favorite candy bar.
He was so thin I bet it made him ill trying to eat all that food. Nooooo, that is not making me smile at allllllll.
I was so angry at myself when I was texting him. I knew I should not do it. So when he thanked me twice, I transferred my anger at myself right onto him. That is why I told him not to thank me. His stupid thx made me angry. I should have said "your welcome" like any normal, sane person.
After I dropped food off, I was so sad. I wanted so much to get a text "OMG this is delicious. Thank you Mona. And I can save the cookies and candy for later."
But of course, I just told him NOT to thank me, so there is no way I can get what I really want.
Then I felt myself slipping into the old (dead) Mona. The first time I went through this DB process I was obsessed with what he was thinking. All the time I wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking of me? I was the worst on the forums at not wondering. I cant remember the username, but there was a guy on the forums who was a WAH. He posted so much on here after he and his W reconciled. He helped all of us see what they are thinking and I remember reading his posts a million times. But I cant find them now.
Which is a very good thing. It does not matter what he is thinking. He clearly is stuck in "poor me, i am a victim" mindset and he has to find a way out of that.
Geez, I can see my focus is massively pointed in the wrong direction. Time to get back to me. Tomorrow night I am going out with a large group of friends. I am going to have a blast! And Sunday I HAVE to go to the Eagles football game. I am a die hard Steelers fan, so going to the Eagles is a hardship, but my mother needs help so off I go.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
