I am still going to try pulling back. I didn't go in the house last night when I picked up the boys. There is a fine line between cold, and just far enough removed that I need to find. W doesn't really ask me anything about myself, but volunteers more about her own life now. That is a step, but I'm not sure if she thinks we will be friends only. That won't work for me.
How do I let her know this, without showing my hand? I really still have the urge to just sit down and have the talk. If we d, she benefits from dragging out the s financially while I struggle. That's a horrible thing to think of your W, but who really knows anymore. I want to ask her out, to see how it feels. I haven't slept in the same bed with her since may. I have gone through this muck for nearly 6 months of s. 10 since bd. I hoped to be home long ago. Between bd and s, we were getting much better, and we had 1 day where I was grumpy and tired and that was it.
I feel much stronger now. Happy with myself. Less stressed about everything but my W. My growth can continue if we were back together. The time apart did me a lot of good, even though it hurts like hell. I am ready, and want so badly, to restart a relationship with my W.
Missing thanksgiving, at least part of it, with the boys I can handle. I have had to work on thanksgiving before. Christmas. That is going to be hard to swallow. I may not be able to forgive there. I can, will, and have forgiven everything up to now. That may be the deal breaker. Mayne that is why I feel the rush to get back together. S6 bday is next week, and it's her day, so I probably won't even see him. That will be terrible. I guess a phone call will have to do
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
