V, that was heartfelt, beautiful, and encouraging. Thank you. Exactly what I needed at this point in time. I am really ashamed of my recent action that has gotten me in so much trouble. I didn't mean to do it, but I am responsible for putting myself in a dangerous position. Your words of encouragement on that subject really helped heal something in me...I felt warmth as I read it and felt the healing begin.
I'm going to forgive myself already. I know I didn't intend to become destructive. I don't need to care about what H and his friends think. Soon they will all be part of the past, and not something to concern myself with. I'll take responsibility, accept my punishment, and pick up the pieces after.
I've also made another decision that will be somewhat life altering. I've spoken of being the child of an alcoholic. My dad was not the only alcoholic in his family, so the nastiness goes through several generations. Many of my family members are judgemental and toxic. I've decided to cut ties with anyone who offers me something other than love and support.
I really have no boundaries at all. I will listen patiently while others tear me apart, and apologize for making them feel badly! What craziness is this? Most of the time, the vindictiveness is inspired by jealousy of something, but I seem to think I have to put up with everything in order to keep the peace. I am not like the majority of my family. I'm different. I stand out. They call me cute things like "liberal", "hippy", etc. because I choose to love and forgive.
I'm realizing I actually like me. I feel deeply. I love to laugh. I'm easy to get along with. I make friends easily. I love music and dancing. I have some challenges, true. We all have different things to work on because we're all on different journeys. The challenges I deal with are meant to help me grow in some way. It's less about the body and more about the soul. I want to be around things and people that nourish that soul. I want to avoid the things that help strangle and harm it.
