SadJeff, we went to MC and the counselor told my H to end the affair. He said to end it because it was wrong, not because I told him to end it.
My H took that to mean "Don't let your W tell you what to do" and then he justified not ending it by claiming that it wasn't "wrong" it was a "nice friendship" and they were "helping" each other and they had a "therapeutic relationship" and then he insisted that the therapist told him all of this, that I had said it was wrong and he shouldn't end it because I thought it was wrong. Completely twisted the therapists words. Fast forward 3 months later and I issued an ultimatum, and the MC told me I "failed the test."
We are still seeing the MC, I can't explain why, H seems to like him and it was the only time H would talk to me, and this guy gets great reviews. But I think he did more damage than good, although we are still together and the A is over (I think it is anyway, we don't talk about it.) It all [censored] no matter what you do, you just do your best and focus on yourself and give up all illusion of being in control because you are not. Focus on yourself. Listen to your W if she wants to talk, listen and validate and STFU and eventually maybe things will make sense.
You are not alone. I have experienced the absolute best support here, better than MC, better than IC, better than my friends and my sister, etc- all of who have been good to me and supportive in their own way, but we are in the trenches here in this forum and will walk along beside you.
