Hello, Msd. Every once in a while, H is nice. It confuses me horribly, and always leaves me wide open for the next attack. I'm learning. I do not trust him anymore, and that is beginning to be apparent; I've begun insisting any conversations regarding money are recorded in some fashion, and that we put in writing any agreements we reach. This annoys him greatly...but he's not trustworthy.
I'm beginning to understand he never was quite the man I thought him to be. My love really blinded me to some real character flaws. I see H now as quite morally corrupt. His cheating? OMG, that iwas really painful! I believe the pain has more to do with us, than them. Rejected and replaced...makes you wonder if you ever mattered, right? We have to move past that...nothing wrong with us. You mentioned Alanon...was your experience with another's drinking only with H? I grew up with an alcoholic parent. It also means I was constantly rejected in favor of something else, leaving me extreme sensitive to rejection. No one wants to be less than 1st choice.
What you need to realize, deep down, is that his cheating has NOTHING to do with you. It's all about HIS wants, HIS needs, and HIS ego. Any willing female could have been AP. H went with the easiest option, which doesn't say much about her.
You're an obviously wonderful person. Don't dwell on the cheating part. It's such a small portion of the much larger problem that begins with and ends with your H. He's broken and weak, with a mean streak to boot. This type of person cannot face their own flaws/issues - so they NEED to make it all your fault to pander to their fragile ego.
