I've gotta close the door buddy, I hate to say it but I've let too much slide. This was a Hail Mary that came out of my mouth instead of closing the door last night.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I will update in a bit, but XF just started texting me out of the blue asking questions about how to fix things with my family and her...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I understand what you're saying, I just don't think that's what's happening. I could be wrong, God knows I've been wrong about my own sitch and where I've been at enough times. I told myself a few times I was nearly done with what's happened(always after learning something new about OM) but feelings change, constantly they change. This is why we never make decisions based on them.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Sorry, it got a bit late and when our convo was over I went to bed.
Quick summary, XF has fears of the damaged relationships with everybody involved. I validated the fact that there is damage on many fronts, and assured her that I would be willing to help where I can. I also at one point said that #1 priority is S4 and his happiness. As long as he is happy with whatever happens the others don't matter. We are grown adults and people will respect our decision. It will take time but if they see is trying they will follow suit. Another thing I said was that we have talked more and opened up about more these past few days than we did the past 6 months combined. And all it took to get there was a honest, calm conversation.
Overall, still anxious... Lots of good communication over the past 2 days.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Uphill - who is doing most of the talking? you or her?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I would say 50/50. She would ask a question or raise a concern. I would respond with either an answer to my best ability or validate the concerns.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Try to remember she needs to come to the answers for herself as well. You can't dictate them to her. Sometimes it is okay to not give her your answer. Sometimes they can be seen as your answer and not hers.
Just my .02
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Yeah, most of them were asked as "what is your opinion on this" or "how could this be handled". Some questions I answered very vaguely as in, we can cross that bridge at the time. Others I gave a few options. All depends on the question how I answered.
The ones I did give a longer detailed response to involved my family. For instance through this sitch, XF and my mom had a few pretty nasty encounters. I said I know the is tension there but nothing that can't be worked out if we all sit down. Mom has asked me about us getting back together and even said to me that she misses you.
That type of question I tried to be a little more thorough on because XF hasn't had any insight to what has happened on that side of things for a few months.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I feel like since I went AWAL and had the life talks with her Monday, it has really opened us both up a lot. Communication is 500% better and much more pleasant. I have raised concerns of my own, as has she. I told her I can't make any promises other than I will do the best I can. There is lots of hurt and damage done on both sides.
This has not come up, but I had looked into it a few months ago just to know. There is a retroville weekend about an hour from where I live in January (I forget the exact weekend). If I see an effort on her side and we are trying, I would love to be able to give that a shot. I know, getting ahead of myself but it crossed my mind that the timing may be spot on. It only happens close to us once a year.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I am thinking of doing Retrouvaille with my H. There is one in March next year in the town he lives. It's still so far away and God knows what can happen in that time. I know they fill up fairly quick and I know we would have to confirm probably before the new year. I mentioned it to my H. He didn't say anything. Lol I guess I will have to ask again in December so I can make plans. I don't want to force him into something he doesn't want to do, but then regardless if we get back together or not it would give us tools to communicate better with everyone in our lives.
Personally I think every couple should go to Retrouvaille at the begging of their marriage to learn to communicate!!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
