Back on these forums again 2

[Mona52]

My goal is to hit everyone's threads today! I have fallen way behind, and last time I fell behind, one of you ended up in jail.

I am still in the slow process of moving. My mom is not moving anything out of her house, so we have to kind of bring small loads over at a time and wiggle our stuff into spaces left in her house. It is hard because I am trying not to disrupt her life too bad. But she is the one who wanted us to come. I wanted to buy a house. She is the one moving in with her BF. And if I don't move in she will have to rent it out. And if she does that, she will HAVE to move out all of her stuff.

I do not see any other way around it, I am going to have to buy my own house. But for now, this house is good. My D15 had her BF over for dinner yesterday and it was really nice. My puppy has grass to run in and she LOVES it. My cat is outside for the first time in her life and she is about 10 years old.

Nothing to report on H. I feel sick at myself because I still think about him ever single day, all day long. I can't possibly do more to distract myself. Today I woke up and realized that it has crossed to unhealthy. Yes it is important to save a M and a family. No I am not throwing in the towel. But I need to get back to a more healthy level of commitment. I am worse than a JLo stalker, or it feels that way.
I feel pathetic in the amount of energy and thoughts I put into a R with NO ONE, because he is gone.

I think the worst part is my thoughts are all blaming him.

OK, let me put my current problem in to a baby step. One thought that keeps repeating is that he stayed up all night, every night playing video games and I slept in a cold, empty bed alone every night.

How do I stop blaming him for that?

If I could just stop blaming him for that one little part I can take a baby step to a healthier detachment process...maybe.