First of all buddy, you really are doing great, way better then it was to be expected, with the time frame. It is still early days for you, so don't be too hard on yourself.
Originally Posted By: dday
How can I show her that I am running out of patience. I told her months ago that there will be a time when I won't take her back, it will be take a lot of convincing . It's not here yet, but it's coming. How do I get her to come to me?
You can't get her to come to you. She has to want to come to you. And before that, she needs to respect you. When we were all mushy, pleading and begging after the BD, that was so unattractive to our spouses. Would you want to be with someone who would grovel in front of you? Hell no. No amount of niceing will bring your W back.
Be mysterious. Have a life. Do your own stuff. Be the man only a fool would leave. Wear good clothes. A dab of cologne (the good stuff). Make her wonder what the heck is going on. But don't be too obvious, or she'll see right through you. Make her think you had an epiphany. Do not tell her what you're doing or planning or going. Keep her in the dark. And at the same time be the bast dad in the world (I see you are doing an excellent job at that). Don't be looking over your shoulder if she's watching you (believe me, she will be watching...). You have to grow for you. Now it is time for you to clean your stuff up. Improve, better yourself. Be the bast man you can be.
Originally Posted By: dday
How do you detach without becoming bitter? I fear that too. I am not a selfish person, so I find it hard to focus on myself through this. I have strengthened my character, and have fewer faults. Far from perfect but, I feel for the first time in my life, that I am someone only a fool would leave. I have never had high self esteem, but I think it is higher than ever now.
Detaching without feeling bitter? That's a hard one... I think the answer is forgiveness. Even though she screwed you over, you have to find it in your heart to forgive her. At the end of the day, forgiveness is for you and not for her. If you do not forgive her, you will carry this biterness forever and it will ooze out of you and poison your every relationship. It also helps if you think of your wife as not herself. Think of her that she has been kidnapped by aliens and they put someone else in her body, because your W would never do/say stuff this person says/does.
You have to remember, forgiveness does not come in a big flash, it comes piece by piece. But first you must decide to forgive...
