I have not updated for a couple of weeks, I haven't had much tell.

All aspects of my life seem to be messy right now, I know that all these challenges are growth for myself, it would be nice though if they would stagger themselves rather than all come along at once.

Work - It is pushing me physically to my limits, I am certainly fitter from it, but shattered and aching at the end of my shift. Mentally it has taken me to the end of tolerance , I am thankful that I am nearing my next holiday. A couple of things have happened which made my mind up that I will be leaving in January.

Home - S18 is still unemployed and we now have g/friend living with us (long story). I feel like a lodger in my own home now, so that has added to me making my second decision - I am going to move in the New Year. I only came to where I am to help s18 out and get him through college, so now I am free to move to somewhere I would like to be.

H - things continue to move slowly in this area. Its been a couple of texts a week, I try to make sure it remains only chit chat, no r talk. Then the texts started to get further apart and we ended up going a week before I text him to say hi. This resulted him in explaining the reason for not texting me - he feels its always him initiating so decided that he would wait for me to contact him for a change. He went on to say that he appreciates that this situation is not easy for me and if he had a wand he would wave it so he could be sorted out now, but he doesn't, however that does not mean that he doesn't want any kind of relationship with me, it just means he can't fully commit to me romantically right now. I replied to him that I did not want him to feel I was being pushy. His reply "your not being pushy, that kinda my point" ???Not sure what that means - does he WANT me to push this along?

This has been an issue for a while now, he wants me to do 50% of the contact ( I wonder if its insecurity about me still being in this) and I have been doing what I have been advised to do and make him do the contacting, but it seems that its become an issue for him so I am not sure what to do now.

I have my November holiday coming up 21st November, I asked him a few weeks ago about visiting him but said I would have to stay with him as I can't afford a motel this time. He asked what dates I had in mind and I told him. He then said which dates would be best for him to devote time entirely to me (his words), so I then said to him to think about it and let me know as I would like him to be comfortable with me being around him and want to leave him wanting more me, not wanting more therapy ha ha" He sent a smiley face back. That was 3 weeks ago and no answer for whether he wants me to visit - I know that the day before he will be asking me my flight details !! But I have not asked him if he has decided as I feel that's pushing .....again we are back to this ...

Does he want me to hold his hand and just tell him what I am doing "oh by the way darling I am visiting in November for a few days, staying with you, so go buy a new bed for me, oh and just to let you know I am quitting my job in January and moving in with you" ........ grin grin wink Nah, think this may be taking it one step too far he he