It's been a while since I've posted on this site. The play-by-play was getting to be too much so I decided to take a break from posting, but I still checked in with some of your threads occasionally. I think in my last post I mentioned that I might be done. I managed to climb out of that well after having a come-toJ-Jesus moment with H and we had a pretty few good months.
Then we sold a rental property we had in another state, and the day after the proceeds were deposited in a joint account, H took half and put it in his own account. H said it was just a precaution but I flipped out. By the end of the day, H said he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep working on the relationship. This was Oct 1st.
We agreed to go to Retrouvaille and then re-evaluate. Our weekend was Oct 23-25. At the end of weekend, H recommitted himself to our relationship again (even though we were still living separately at this point). We dialogued every day for a week and then he went out of town on business. He was supposed to call me the first night so that we could dialogue but he never did. The next morning he apologized and reaffirmed his commitment. We dialogued the next few days, then I offered to give him a pass so that he could focus on some work he needed to do while he was out of town and we agreed to check in the following day. However, he never responded to my texts or calls the next day and the following morning he told me he was no longer committed but wanted a few days to think it over before making a final decision. On Nov 8th, 2 weeks after our R weekend, he told me that he is no longer committed to reconciling and wants a divorce. He says he is scared that he will never be happy with me.
I'm giving him some space because we can't file until at least Feb anyway due to the waiting period in our state. At this point, I think he is an absolute fool and the only thing that will save us is him waking up from his fog. I still want to save the marriage, but he still has a lot of work to do on himself to make that a possibility -- not because I wouldn't accept him the way he is (I would) but he won't see our marriage as a viable relationship until he makes some important changes within himself.
We still have no written agreement re: custody or money. We have both expressed some vulnerability about that. I told H that I am not ready to go to my L and ask her to draw up a separation agreement, but I will cooperate if H takes the initiative to do so with his L. Frankly, I don't feel emotionally ready to commit to what he's offering, but I fear that pushing back will destroy what little goodwill/chance at reconciliation we have. I asked him to wait a few weeks before presenting me with an agreement to sign. He said he wasn't in a hurry but I have no idea what his timeframe is.
This is all for background -- I actually have a specific question to ask but I'll put that in another post so it doesn't get buried in this one.
