Dimond, I suffer from chronic illness, too. I know for certain it was part of the reason H abandoned me. He actually shouted the question, "am I just supposed to watch you die?" at me the day after bomb drop. I want to think part of it was a feeling of helplessness to make me better. Truthfully, the likelihood is that I'm just not as much fun anymore. I'm more of a burden than an equal partner.
He was always happiest back when I did MORE than my share; when the roles reversed, he gradually detached more and more. Some people really don't understand a vow. I would never have abandoned him...I understood there was a possibility of "for worse". H is a "happiness" chaser...it's all about him.
Despite what I see as a clear character flaw in him, I miss him so much it hurts. I miss talking to him, hugging him, having him sleep beside me, and the sound of his voice. He's so wrapped into every part of my life that this D is literally tearing me apart. He's got plenty of company since vows don't mean much to him. I'm pretty much isolated out in the country. I'm looking forward to moving.
I think it's more than just missing the person. It's a total lifestyle change, the loss of a companion, and the loss of dreams for the future. I don't want this, like you. We'll be okay, eventually. We might even be better than we can imagine. We just have to get through this pain, first. I'm right here with you.
