Not So Decent Past: I'll start from beginning and bring everyone up to where I am now. My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years and dated for 5 years before that. I am 30 and she is 29. We have been in a bit of a rut for what I would estimate to be roughly 2 to 3 years. My wife has since then complained that I don't pay attention to her and that I don't care about our relationship. I'll admit that I have lost some focus on our relationship and been distracted at home with hobbies of mine but I certainly care very much so about our relationship. She's has even gona as far as suggesting that maybe were not right for each other and hinted at divorce indirectly. I always thought maybe this was something everyone goes through in a long term relationship getting comfortable or losing some passion that was there at one time. I was ignorant and had always assumed things would turn around on their own. We went on living our busy lives had a son who is 18 months now. No major issues but things hadn't seemed to get better or worse.
Recent Past: Recently about a month ago I started sensing that she wasn't paying attention to me weird I know because I was typically the distracted one. I found she was talking to the new guy at work quite often when I looked over her shoulder or asked who she was texting it was him. I took some offence to this so I talked to her her and asked qhy she is always talking to him and she would respond defensively saying no I don't talk to him often. A couple weeks ago I noticed she was not talking to him anymore instead to some freinds she didn't normally message. So I got suspicious and started snooping though her phone I found she had disguised the guy from works name as her girl freinds from work. She was also speaking dirty with him. I did some more digging and found she messaged a freinds of hers some details they kissed at work and were talking about wanting to do more. At this point I had to confront her and I did. She apologized and said she didn't want to hurt me and never planned for it to happen. She also brought up past issues we had and blamed her infidelity on the fact that she was sad and that I wasn't there for her and that she lost her passion for our relationship. We had a long talk and I eluded to the fact that I am a forgiving person who doesn't hold grudges and that I thought I could forgive her we agreed to go to counseling and work to try fix our issues she also said she would break the emotional and physical affair off with the guy from work. We went on with our busy lives.
Since confrontation and where I am at now: We have had many discussions about our feelings and I have done my very best to try to bring back the passion and the attention to our relationship. I still feel nervous and I have found my self snooping and playing detective. Just in the last week I have found my wife has still been talking to him and I am 99% the physical aspect has continued also. I tried bringing up the the fact that I don't think it's possible for us to work on our relationship if she still has a relationship with him I haven't confronted with evidence just speculation she has always responded negatively.
Our future: I cannot see my life without this woman I love so dearly by my side I want to heal our relationship and want her to end the affair. When I talk with her about what she wants she always says she doesn't know and that she's gota figure it out. She says she needs space but I fear if I give her space she will just become more entangled with her coworker she's having the affair with. She says she wouldn't be leaving me to be with him she would leave me because she doesn't think she will be able to be happy in our relationship anymore.
I want my wife back I can forgive her for what she has done but I need her to stop and be my sweet special girl again. What should I do and what advice do you have for me. How can I get her to care again about me and us? She keeps saying she doesn't want to hurt me but the fact is she's hurting me more and more every day.
