Keeping the door cracked

[beckyb]

Mostly just journaling...

I am feeling so emotional and weepy. I'm very lonely and sad. I'm tired of GAL. I just want to sleep - if only I could sleep an entire night.

Maybe now that things have calmed down the reality of my situation is hitting me harder. Also, a lot of my support system has gone on with their lives, which is fine. They don't quite understand that my life is still in shambles.
Knowing that H will be in the house tomorrow and Sunday packing stuff is making me extra emotionally. It's also messing with my Sunday plans but this needs to be done.

I do not want to be alone. I just hate the thought.
I'm feeling frantic about the future. Where I should live? Should I buy a house or a condo? or rent? What if I lose my job? Ugh. I trust God and I will be ok. Sometimes the thoughts just overwhelm.

I need to get back to journaling and walking. Instead I'm easting candy bars. Very bad. I wish now I had joined the local Divorce Care group. I'll have to wait until January now.

Also waiting to see what happens when his L gets my proposal about selling the house. Too much hanging in the balance. I don't like it.