Time to let go ....How (4)

[otw]

So not much to update. I had to communicate with wife regarding a few kid logistics for the next few days. I also let her know i am concerned about S4 and she responded as i thought. Saying he is only this way when he talks to you. I get that but the stress he goes through concerns me. I dont want this to shape his character in the future. We both expressed our views. I felt very dismissed as to my feelings on the situation and this has been going on a lot lately.
I feel everytime we have to discuss something my view is the most crazy thing she has ever heard and I feel she just wishes i wouldnt speak. I expressed this to her and told her this is how every conversation comes across, like she is rolling her eyes that i am speaking. She apologized and said she does not mean it to come across that way. She also expressed her thoughts on some of the items and I thanked her for letting me know as I do not see the interaction she does have with the kids.

She did mention that she believes S4 gets so upset because I get emotional when he does. I admit that i do now and then when he is crying and clinging on to me, but i hide it through sunglasses etc.. so i do not agree, but i will make much more of a concious effort. Do i believe this is why he gets upset..no, I held strong the past two conversations and he is till begging me to come get him.
I will monitor for the next week or two as this is new but I will not just sweep it under the rug.

D7 is so strong and so smart as well. She sends me texts on her ipod and lets me know what is going on. she also texts me in the morning when she gets up. She does not do that with W.

For me, I am busy doing things around the house to put my own touch on things. went and watched football with some friends the other night. I am having some upgrades done to my truck that I have wanted. I know i need to tighten up with money as i am now going to be paying a hefty support each month. This will be an interesting time getting used to the money situation.

I have also created a list of things i am going to start doing for myself, but honestly i feel i am occupied trying to get a handle on schedules and handling everything with the household i have not started yet. I am going to make a better effort after i get back from the weeding this weekend. I have mixed feelings about this wedding. He is one of my best friends. He was the best man in my wedding, now i am going there without my W. feels wrong.

I ma having a difficult time keeping her off my mind lately. It isnt as painful as seeing her everyday and wondering what is going on, but now i am wondering what is going on now that she does not have to worry about me watching over things or being around. I know this will get easier. I am going to really limit the interaction for a while as i feel the conversation regarding the kids wasnt the most positive, not that it was bad, but it wasnt the best.

I need to get out of her mind for a while. Wish i knew what she actually was thinking though.