I am reading some of my posts and the great advise from posters and I am trying to organize my very disorganized feelings and put some sense into them. I feel all over the place as to what to do, and how to be and how to move forward. This is an awful time for me (and for everyone here). I am overwhelmed by anything "psychology geared" and I don't know why I get so much comfort writing on posts for the whole internet community to see and respond to. (I have never been part of a online forum before) but I do and thank you for all feedback. It is so helpful. I think these are my deeper goals.

1. Need to GAL. This will elevate my mood and distract me and make me realize
there is a life and future outside of my husband. Eyeties thread stands out to
me in this regard.

2. Need to overcome my rage. Not just with anger management, but to really
Extinguish it. ( Thank you zues) This rage consumes me and brings me down
and affects me greatly. It's not healthy. Rage comes from:

A. Betrayal from possible affair

B. Husband actions... I feel a great injustice has been committed by him,
because he committed to a marriage and children (I never pressured
him to marry me, he was actually the one that wanted marriage) and
then left us and won't pay child support. (Will pay for some stuff
though). I feel mad because I feel like he has and is neglecting kids.
These actions are wrong.

C. His actions will force me to assert myself and file. Something I hate to
do because it involves confrontation. (Thank you vanilla)

D. Had rage in relationship which presented as resentment and hyper
critisism and failure to meet husbands needs. I felt like husband did
not meet my needs and did not help with kids and viewed our marriage
from a stand point of two separate entities instead of a family unit. He
wasn't around and when he was, he was sleeping. I felt like I had to
force him to do family activities and To spend time with us and that left
him feeling controlled and me feeling regected and like a nag.

3. Come to terms with my own contributions to marital demise. I feel so
disheartened when I read up on things I needed to do differently. It's
frustrating and I don't like to face them, because currently they can no longer
be implemented. Sure NOW I understand my husbands love language
(service), but it is too late cause he does not want to work on marriage and
there is minimal contact.

4. Change my negative thought patterns. (Than you again vanilla). I have to
print this up and really commit to it. I put it on the back burner, but realize I
need to commit to it.

Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015