This morning I am feeling better but driven by a sense of competition or better yet a fear of being left behind.
I received a call last night by my wife stating that she will need to take yet another trip because she was added to an executive all day training in the same state in which OM happens to be. I do believe that she was selected for this program as she has been doing amazing this year at work (This is part of her leaving me, as she felt that everything else in her life was going well, so why not in her marriage as well, so she says).
I am conflicted because I am ambitious as well, it is just that my family is a tad more important so I scaled back, at the same time I am happy for her, this is a great year for her, and this is a great opportunity for her. When she told me, I congratulated her, but probably wasn't as upbeat as I should have been, but not only do I feel as if she is leaving me behind, I also think about "yet another opportunity to see OM". These insecurities that have built up are not good, and I really need to let go. I need to focus on me, as my life isn't defined by her, yet I know this but still feel some way. I don't know why I feel as if I have to compete with her in our careers.
Aside from that, sticking to my morning ritual. Working on forgiving, letting go, surrendering, and letting God. I do love my wife, I just wish that we could have continue to tackle all of our future, both success and problems together as a team. Everything in her career is going great, but in her personal life is all falling apart, yet I am feeling inadequate, unaccomplished, or better yet stagnant.
God Bless
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
