Bring it on U. Im enjoying the exchange. Checked Ani Defranco out. You have a little folk/blues thing happening. I get the reference now to your mum and dad. I think that level of forgiveness comes with time. It will come with time with regard to your wife as well.
You're a gentle soul U, I don't think it's in you not to forgive. Part of staying attached, is that your heart can look at someone in the midst of terrible behaviour and still look and see what you love about them. I am the same.
It is however time to set wife and yourself free, the forgiveness will come, both for wife and for yourself. This is act of kindness to you both, but it think I think you deserve this freedom.
Yes I can hear in the tone of your writing that there has been a shift in your sense of control over your sitch - be the pilot, write that book. There is lightness that I haven't heard in you for a while. I like it. No digging holes today!
Ps I will post again about the too many hours in your shoes , wife's belongings and your sons I'll health. It's almost midnight here and I better get to sleep... Catch you on the other side....JellyBxxx
It seems that I got a bit carried away with the music, I lost track of your orginal response.
The shoe analogy was fabulous. It conveyed completely where you have been spending time. I appreciate too the lightness you have about being the plate spinning aficionado. Please don't spend too many hours in your shoes and spinning plates. I worry that you have the tendancy to use work and fatherhood as a distraction from living the rest of life. Like GALing. You are allowed to have fun and be plain old delightful U.
It is nice to hear you talk with such confidence about your fathering and acknowledging just how present you have been for your children. There were times in the past when you have spoken with such doubt in your abilities. As you say U, your children just know!
I'm sorry to hear about your son. I don't know much about Lyme disease, but what I do know, I can appreciate you are worried. I understand minimising inflammation through the diet is really important with Lyme disease. I'm not sure how you convince an 18 year old male to watch what he eats. There would be no hope in he** that I would be able to convince my 18 year old nephew to lay off carbs and processed foods.
The way you are writing about your W I get the sense that you are feeling much more in control and less restrained. Your decision comments about the ring I feel like it was a natural decision and timing felt right. I'm glad of this for you.
I agree with your intention to box up your wife's belongings and put them aside. I support you too about separating yourself from your wife's relationship with the children. I sense that you are just taking a step back and will pick and choose which issues are worth intervening in on behalf of your children.
You sound so much more confident and relaxed U. It is so nice to hear.
I checked out Indiana on google, so many names familiar to me. Things I have seen on films, but I am sure it is nothing like actually experiencing it. What are the Indiana Dunes? So what is a warm autumn for you? I get the feeling it might be really cold for me.
So my music pick today.... I was feeling a bit melancholic this morning when I got up, so Portishead Only You. Not sure if you will know them. Deep moody, lamenting melodies. The lead singer Beth Gibbons, I had a girl crush on for years. Her voice is amazing.
Anyway hope to see your next music pick in the coming days!
Hey there Jelly - second night in a row without my kids, not good but something that I have to get used to.
thanks for sharing your musical tastes with me. I like it. Fleetwood mack - that sounds awesome - I've always loved them. - is Lindsey Buckingham in the current lineup - he's so cool (dare I say genius?). have fun!!
I used to play the guitar a little (still do pick it up from time to time) attempted to emulate him with no success. Actually considered following a musical path after high school - not with a cool guitar, but with my trumpet (not quite as cool but I was pretty good a million years ago) - Went with a more practical route to pay the bills.
New Order - another one that I really like (I remember that bizarre video for True Faith - from when MTV played music videos.) I missed out on the whole roller skating thing Di-mond though it was very popular here (overbearing parents had me on lockdown which I complied with through my early teen years).
I really like sharing this. You should not feel bad at all about this. I have changed a lot since I started here, and feel like the farther I can get from all of the issues, the better I feel.
I'm a bit behind with my musical share:
I'm going with one more folky group
Anything by the Avett Brothers: I can really relate to so many of their songs (sometimes a little sappy, sometimes very sappy, but thoughtful and deep too).
Ballad of Love and Hate Tear Down this House the perfect space head full of doubt
some of these songs sum me up completely. I started listening to them about 10 years ago and have seen them a couple of times - great shows.
Song that cannot be turned off if it shows up on the radio: the beetles - something (not helpful to me, but was at one time, still an amazing song)
I may show up with some jazz, rock, heavy metal, classical, blues.......... (there's a lot playing here) not just depressing music as d15 says - though we do have some common musical tastes and get into playing each other our new discoveries and sometimes we discover the same thing.
I'll be back with more Arohanui right back at you. u-turn
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
I have heard of portishead and they are perfectly melancholy. I use pandora to listen to music and have about 50 stations set up - I listen to a Bjork station that portishead is played often.
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back to reality. I do worry that in an effort to do it all, I am not going to do everything well enough. For instance, in an effort to provide for the kids, I work to much an drive them away because I am too busy. I sort of feel that I am going to have to be in competition with W for them. I haven't ever felt this way before. I worry that they will not be able to love us individually - as two separate people. (I suppose that is nonsense).
S18 is feeling very well and is basically back to normal, but we really have to watch for appearing symptoms. The whole facial paralysis thing is really scary though. Thanks for your concern. eating right is a tough one with him. Just like keeping him out of the woods so he doesn't get bitten by another tick.
Though I am stressed by a lot of things right now, my former relationship is not one of them. am I over it? probably/definitely not, but it is what it is and out of my control and really out of my hands now. I am trying to remove myself as much as possible. She and the kids are making that difficult at times.
for instance, our thanksgiving is coming up soon and has been a pretty big deal for our families. This year is a bit of a mess though - obviously.
My intention was to let STbXW do whatever she wanted to do with the kids on thanksgiving day and I was going to take the kids to my parents house to see them and my brother & kids on the next day. But FIL invited me to their house on t-giving day and the kids want me to go there. WW said I should go, and she said that she was originally going to have dinner at her house and invite me over there.
I think I just want to do our own things. Everyone is acting like this divorce is just a little thing, a non-issue and everything is still normal. I don't see it that way.
But the kids want me to go and D15 looked at me like I had a third eye when I told them that I didn't think I would go - so that's my problem that I have to figure out.
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Indiana Dunes is a National Park that is on the south shore of Lake Michigan (a pretty big lake). Nice sandy beaches with some tall sand hills. S21 worked there as a lifeguard for a couple years. It is really cool and probably one of the best thing indiana has going for it.
The town that I live in is pretty close, I have ridden to the lake on the donkey a couple times.
Well it was warmish (40 F (4 C) at night 60 F (15 C) during the day) getting colder now and freezing at night. Leaves are almost all gone now. but it is usually starting to snow by now - so I'll take this for a little while longer - though I love the snow too.
Does it snow in NZ?
Anyway, one more music selection:
Black Keys - I got mine. Just what I have going on tonight - no reason
hug u-turn
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
