hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

Ok - going to keep going.

I have heard of portishead and they are perfectly melancholy. I use pandora to listen to music and have about 50 stations set up - I listen to a Bjork station that portishead is played often.

-----

back to reality. I do worry that in an effort to do it all, I am not going to do everything well enough. For instance, in an effort to provide for the kids, I work to much an drive them away because I am too busy. I sort of feel that I am going to have to be in competition with W for them. I haven't ever felt this way before. I worry that they will not be able to love us individually - as two separate people. (I suppose that is nonsense).

S18 is feeling very well and is basically back to normal, but we really have to watch for appearing symptoms. The whole facial paralysis thing is really scary though. Thanks for your concern. eating right is a tough one with him. Just like keeping him out of the woods so he doesn't get bitten by another tick.

Though I am stressed by a lot of things right now, my former relationship is not one of them. am I over it? probably/definitely not, but it is what it is and out of my control and really out of my hands now. I am trying to remove myself as much as possible. She and the kids are making that difficult at times.

for instance, our thanksgiving is coming up soon and has been a pretty big deal for our families. This year is a bit of a mess though - obviously.

My intention was to let STbXW do whatever she wanted to do with the kids on thanksgiving day and I was going to take the kids to my parents house to see them and my brother & kids on the next day. But FIL invited me to their house on t-giving day and the kids want me to go there. WW said I should go, and she said that she was originally going to have dinner at her house and invite me over there.

I think I just want to do our own things. Everyone is acting like this divorce is just a little thing, a non-issue and everything is still normal. I don't see it that way.

But the kids want me to go and D15 looked at me like I had a third eye when I told them that I didn't think I would go - so that's my problem that I have to figure out.

-----

Indiana Dunes is a National Park that is on the south shore of Lake Michigan (a pretty big lake). Nice sandy beaches with some tall sand hills. S21 worked there as a lifeguard for a couple years. It is really cool and probably one of the best thing indiana has going for it.

The town that I live in is pretty close, I have ridden to the lake on the donkey a couple times.

Well it was warmish (40 F (4 C) at night 60 F (15 C) during the day) getting colder now and freezing at night. Leaves are almost all gone now. but it is usually starting to snow by now - so I'll take this for a little while longer - though I love the snow too.

Does it snow in NZ?

Anyway, one more music selection:

Black Keys - I got mine. Just what I have going on tonight - no reason

hug
u-turn