So I still haven't heard anything from H. It's been almost a month since he last texted me. I haven't seen him in over 2 months.
I feel like I am regressing a little bit. I have recently been thinking of contacting H. I know during our marriage, I was not good at telling him how I was feeling. I guess I never thought my feelings were important enough, so I would not express them. Another part of that was that he would get angry at me if he did not like what I had to say. So I have been thinking about contacting him and telling him face to face how I have been feeling these last couple months and apologize for some of the things I did in the past. Until he left, I did not realize how much I loved him. I miss him every day.
Since the BD, I have not told him I loved him. I told him once that I thought we could work things out. I have tried to seem happy and not cry in front of him. One of the things he said during the BD was that he thought I didn't necessarily want to be married to him, I just wanted to be married.
Would this be a mistake? It seems like it might be a 180 since I did not no this in the past. I guess I feel like maybe I haven't fought hard enough to work this out. I have been focusing on myself and trying to keep busy.
Apparently H's "friend" got into a car accident last week. The first person she contacted was H - not sure what he was going to do for her 3,000 miles away. In the past, she faked a car accident to get attention from him. She always seems to have something going on with her. She is either a really unlucky person or she is really good at manipulating him by making him feel sorry for her. My sense is that it is the latter.
Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for all the continued support!
