Uphill, I don't know that your actions were good DB strategy, but I can't say I blame you and I often think I should have done what you are doing when I first found out about ow. Living in limbo is extremely stressful and none of us deserve that. I also want to caution you that if you get the answer you want to hear, please don't trust her or take her back that easily, there is still a lot of work to be done for both of you to make sure you are not back in this same situation a year from now. I am eagerly waiting on your update.
I know it wasn't exactly DB approved. It's is how it came out and I can't change that. It was very hard just to sit on the same couch with her (opposite ends!) and look her in the eye for the first time since I knew. Even harder to keep my voice low and not just go off. I did very well on most points but I put a deadline for an answer out there...
As far as taking her back, it wouldn't be overnight and I explained that to her. We would have to enjoy each other's company and build trust back up. No contact with OM. I also put it out there that she would leave her job if we were to try this. Social media would be gone, because some of our problems stemmed from there, a lot of outside digs took place by people who don't know the story. Anyways I got a lot off of my chest today, have no idea where it leads me and planted some seeds. It is totally in her hands now and I'm just floating along until Friday.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Saw XF this morning at S4 pickup. Sent me spinning a bit wondering what she is thinking. She was pleasant and upbeat, hopefully the seeds I planted take root quickly...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I've been thinking and I doubt the answer will be out there since I strayed from normal DB logic last night. With what I said and did, would it make sense to "show her what she could have" these next few days? Give her a little genuine attention so she doesn't feel like it will be stricktly business if we were to try to R?
I'm not talking fancy dinners and fireworks, maybe a good morning text or ask about her day after talking to S4 tonight?
Last edited by Uphill; 11/10/1503:51 PM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I've been thinking and I doubt the answer will be out there since I strayed from normal DB logic last night. With what I said and did, would it make sense to "show her what she could have" these next few days? Give her a little genuine attention so she doesn't feel like it will be stricktly business if we were to try to R?
I'm not talking fancy dinners and fireworks, maybe a good morning text or ask about her day after talking to S4 tonight?
Id wait until Friday. I dont see how pursuing her NOW is going to do you any good.
Gotcha, I didn't know if that would be the way to go or if it would push her away... I just want to do everything right these next few days for S4's sake.
I wish I could take back that part of the convo last night but if I back pedal it makes me look weak. Like I will always be there waiting.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Gotcha, I didn't know if that would be the way to go or if it would push her away...
How does continuing to follow the same path lead to pushing her away? In my opinion, chasing her right now will be pushing her away. Stay strong, act confident, believe that YOU are the prize SHE should be working for.
Sorry, I'll clarify azz. I was talking about doing a little pursuing pushing her away. I know it's not standard but it crossed my mind to show her a little of the prize. After hearing your logic behind it, I keep my mouth closed and act like the prize.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Just to keep everybody posted, I had a couple good interactions today with XF. First was a phone call after work. Usually it's a text about picking up S4 and today she called. Asked what time worked and then proceeded to talk about her day (unasked). So I got home and she texted me, said she was on hold trying to sort out a problem she told me about during the phone call. Long wait time so our plan wasn't going to work. I said, "you know what, it's raining and dark. Why don't I just bring him to you?" She was super happy about that and I got the first text thank you in months.
I got there with S4 and she seemed to be in a very good mood. More friendly and talkative than I have seen in months. Small talked a little and she thanked me 3 times as I was walking out! Yes 3! I couldn't believe it.
See where this all goes but I at least think I have her second guessing? Prior to this after any type of talk we had she was cold and distant for weeks... Which happened a lot before I found this place!
Anyways, hopeful but no expectations!
Last edited by Uphill; 11/11/1512:26 AM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I doubt there's no expectations for Friday. You're preparing (wanting) her to change her mind and work on things and deadlines just don't work out that way. Pursuing right now would also be a mistake also.
So other than waiting on Friday to see what happens, which I'm sure you have thought about, what are you planning on doing if she says no?
Or the more likely option that she doesn't mention it at all and then your forced to either let it go or being it up and ask her what her decision is? What if she gives you a vague answer that doesn't give you any idea of what to think or do.
Don't get me wrong, I hope she goes change her mind and want to work on the R. I just know from past experiences when you try to create those situations to force something one way or another it often leaves you suprised with something you didn't expect.
I guess I'm more curious what your preparing to do on Friday than her.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
