in house S (4)

[Enigma]

Hey Vise,
Your path of working on you, continuing to be a great dad, and moving "forward" with DB is a great strategy IMHO.

Reading prior thread of in-house separation, that was extremely difficult and I believe makes it that much more difficult to DB the way we wish to. I too kept the MB and was my private area. While my S2 was awake, WW and I had basic interaction in main living area but as my WW was heavily into OM R (and still is as she eventually moved in with him), I purposely kept my distance but was still cordial and friendly as a simple neighbor when around her. This became easier over time as I began to have no expectations in our interactions. Once S2 was asleep, she would retreat to her room and there would be little to no contact afterwards. Nothing of a friendship sort in my case. This was difficult at first as I was losing my best friend, but I couldn't condone what she had done and realize the only thing I can control are my actions and improving myself as a person which is continuous. So that journey continues, and I continue to detach further.

It's amazing how one day our W's are loving, caring, compassionate around us, then another distant, cold, and selfish like they've been replaced by someone else. We hold onto the old W's during our S which causes us pain, because of our attachment to that past. The reality of our S is in front of us with this new W whom we do not recognize, yet we hold out to hope that our old W will somehow wake up and come back. It is accepting the new reality for what it is with this new person, and letting them go through their journey on their own that is challenging. All the while we undertake our journey to work on us which is a journey we never would have initiated were it not for our S.

I may have missed but is your W talking of D? Or is it just separation? I agree to let her do the heavy lifting.

As I'm still new at this and can't really offer any advice (others are providing good advice from what I can see), all I can do is share my situation and offer any support I can as I understand how difficult this all is.