H has started an affair 2

[Sotto]

Hi Anna, it's difficult to say whether separation might help. I left as soon as my H disclosed his A and clearly wanted to continue with it. Initially I just intended to stay away for a few days to clear my head - but as it turned out he was so confused/unwilling to give up OW, I never returned. But our sitch is different - we don't have kids together and it has been best for me to move close to family. That may not have been the best thing for my sitch, but it has certainly done me some good.

I always think in-house S's are the hardest as the cause of your pain is right there under your nose. If you want to ask him to leave, of course it's your choice. I just try and make decisions I can live with in the longer term. In my sitch, I wouldn't agree to file for D and that has been important to me. For me, if H wanted to end our M, he would need to be the one to do that.

Only thing I would say is I wouldn't S in order that 'H should experience X or Y.' I would only S for your own wellbeing and peace of mind. If you need to S in order to get through this, then suggest a S I would say. But if you are willing to carry on as you are, then do so. I have learned that there really seems to be little you can do once the A 'catches light' - the fire will spread until/unless it dies out. And most do die out of course, although it does take time. The best you can do is look after yourself and the kids - setting appropriate boundaries for your own protection and wellbeing.

Are you managing to GAL, and extend yourself, meet some new people and new activities??