Weeding and watering

[mustardseed]

Hi mustardseed, This is my first time in your neck of the woods. Nice view and your garden shows great promise. Regular tending is key.

In regards to your husband, a man's disposition does not change like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He must have cared how people viewed him so he exhibited self control. In private he indulged in his selfishness and treated his family accordingly.

I was selfish during a period of my marriage. I reject that behavior now and will not behave like that ever again. Selfishness is small thinking and indicates weak character. I was a weak man. Weak men don't yell at their loved ones. I am so sorry you and your children had to experience that. People can change, for your children's sake I hope your husband does.

Keep tending your garden and one day you'll be surrounded by the beauty you deserve.

This does sound like my husband. Although it really felt like Jeckyll and Hyde. He wasn't a yeller, just a withholder. He is very good at sending mixed messages. Telling me what I want to her, while treating me the complete opposite. However, I have seen him turn on others, and now on me. As easy as it is for me to love him, I know that he is not a safe person for me to be emotionally invested in, and I don't think saving our marriage is a smart decision.

Mutatio,

The difference is between behaviour and personality. Behaviours can change but personality tends to fix.

Msd try this:
Psychiatric Clinics of North America, Volume 12, Number 2, Pages 389-411, June 1989. The Compulsion to Repeat the Trauma Re-enactment, Revictimization, and Masochism Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD*

Google: compulsion to repeat pdf.

V

Got it V. Interesting read. Thanks for posting.

I'm trying to snap out of my winter blues. I had a great weekend, and I have taken steps to improve my job search. Money is starting to worry me, now. My lack of income plus increase of GAL has cost me--and I am starting to carry balances on my credit cards. Not good.

I haven't been feeling great lately. Not really sick, just kind of dehydrated and lathargic. My weight has also increased-- I am nearly 20 pounds heavier than where I was in June. I didn't like how I looked at my low weight, and would like to settle somewhere in between. So I am starting to take control of my diet and fitness again. My goal is to lose 10 pounds by New Years. It will be tough with the holidays coming up, but I'll do my best.

I have been drinking water all day, but I still feel dry. My mother even took my blood sugar reading over the weekend just to be sure--it was just below the recommended range so I'm not concerned. Part of it might be the typical seasonal shifts that seem to effect me. Another part might be too much Halloween candy and alcohol during my many celebrations. I have also been having more than my 1 cup of coffee every day.

My interaction with H this morning was decent. He seems to agree with me that the current schedule we have with the kids isn't working. He seemed very easy going today. I wonder why? It is so odd to be so suspicious of someone I trusted so completely for so long.

This week I have a lot of GAL planned. It will be a busy week. I am also going to treat my days like I have a job to go to. Waking up at 6:30, getting ready for my day, and then settling in to do my work of finding a job. Hopefully developing a purposeful routine like this will help snap me out of the funk.