Moving Forward

[EMMess]

Good morning family,

Rouky, thank you so much for your advice. I will begin working on further setting my boundaries, and ensuring that she respects them.

I've come to realize that she has lost respect for me as a man, I know this is something that I should have realized from the beginning. I have come to realize that I have an obsessive aspect of my personality which keeps me dwelling on everything that is happening, Not to mention that my ego is bruised deep.

The last few days since she changed her flight, I have been working on letting go, forgiving, surrendering, and letting God. I feel that I am a bit more distant from the situation, not quite there, as I still feel the anxiety, the sadness. I miss my wife, I miss talking to her, I become afraid that I won't get that back, the talking, sharing, etc. That is a fear that I need to face, along with my fear of failure (just realized this). I am having a hard time letting go, because I am usually a fighter, I will stick with something to accomplish it and succeed; in this situation I really have no control, so therefore I try to hold on to some form of it, deluding myself into thinking that I can actually change the situation by holding on tight. Surrendering is my focus right now, letting our Lord, letting the Universe, Infinite Wisdom do its thing in my life. Letting go has been such a difficult thing for me to do.

I feel as if my confusion or fear has been lifting a bit, only a bit, sometimes a bit of objective thought creeps in, and I have come to realize that although we had problems before my wife was not willing to commit to working on our relationship leading up to our separation. She has never been responsible for her contribution to the failure of our marriage, and has chucked all blame in my direction, that's not only now, but also while married and together. The person she is showing me right now is not someone I would love to be married to, and I know that the weak, unattractive man I have become isn't one she would like to be married to as well. I need reclaim my personal power.

If anyone of you know of any effective ways to begin surrendering or letting go, I would love to hear it. Different perspectives are always welcomed