I put this on the abuse thread:

my other says I am abusive how do I know

This I think is something you might just have to talk to your IC or group leader about.

I too have done this course, for the target of abuse. I am learning a lot. In my opinion, you are not a systemic abuser. A systemic abuser has a personality not a behavioural issue, doesn't recognise or acknowledge abusiveness and doesn't want to change. That isn't you, I don't see a personality issue in you, just some poor emotional responses.

Other types of abuse are behavioural and can be as a result of your situation. Change you, change your situation then this alters very quickly, largely through awareness.

What you describe could be abusive behaviour and that does not make you a systemic abuser. Just badly behaved!

If it concerns you and you see elements of the bad behaviour then you can change it. Those with bad personalities can't change easily, those with behavioural challenges can grow very quickly. So there are different sorts of abusers and if you consider you have changes to make and can do so that's great. V is also an abuser she reacts, screaming banshee is abusive behaviour. So I have behaved abusively and I changed it. I see Ghost like V, with behaviours that need changing but not as personality defective. I hope that makes sense.

I would very much like you to go back to smiling at that man in the mirror! And asking him to change his ways....

V


Last edited by Vanilla; 11/09/15 03:02 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW