Ok, I have a real urge to do something. I am tired of this sitch. I am tired of being lonely. I am tired of letting her have her way all the time. I am tired of her asking me to do things for the boys, knowing full well that I won't deny them anything if I can help it.
I have a feeling of being used. For money. For someone to talk to. For someone to help her out when she gets into a scheduling conflict. I am still paying half the mortgage.
Here I am, thinking we are working towards something better. Then I see today that our family pics are gone. S6 tried to open up to W and she ignores him. S6 has told me that he opens up to me, and not W. She asked about his bday party, just to see if I would help her out with driving and money. Who is this person that looks like my W? Ignoring her own kids now?
I was just informed by my landlord (small town) that my W coworkers are talking about how self absorbed she has become, and how she is planning on her parents to help her financially.
Then she sends a text asking if I have thought about Thanksgiving. I won't see s6 on his bday, due to it being her day. Thanksgiving is mine, and I am sure she wants it.
I have had enough, I guess that's what I am getting at. I want to ask when this will be final. I don't want to keep doing this. (I know detach, I have some...not enough) I have spent the last 10 months trying to fix us. I have made improvements, in every aspect that I can think of. I think we are improving, and it turns out to be crumbs.
Tired of wasting my time and energy. I want a relationship with someone who values me. I don't want my kids to go through the holidays like this. I know that there is nothing I can do, it's all on her. But, I am ready to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. She needs to quit leading the kids and myself on, if she still wants D. it has been past the 60 day waiting period, and still no court date. I will not be her supplemental income to get her through the winter heat bills.
If we aren't working on us, I want set free. I want the band aid ripped off, so I can really heal. I am out of patience. If this is truly what she wants, let's get it over with. I am ready to start rebuilding my life. One way or the other. I have told myself that I won't date until it's final.
I don't think W is going to realize and feel the loss until D is final. I will still feel in limbo until then also. Today, I want to drop the rope. I am tired of this. Ready to close this chapter and see what the next will bring
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
