Wow, mind is blown 10

[Uphill]

I have always surrounded myself with people who were upbeat and positive. When I first met XF her friends were very good actors. It was only over time that thier true colors started showing. I think it was the fact that they got comfortable around me and let thier masks at home? One friend in particular that I have been mainly pointing out things about... There was a certain day of the week that was thier "catch up" day. It worked for both of them to sit on the phone for a few hours and talk. It was always while I was at work so it never bothered me. Until I pieced together that the evening of that day when I would get home, XF would always be miserable. It got to a point that I would honestly work late so I would have to deal with less of it and by the next day she would be back to normal.

This girl is considered her BEST friend so I never pointed it out to her. I knew that would only backfire at the time and I would have prolly been accused of being controlling. Looking back, maybe if I would have mentioned it while things between us were good it could have nipped it in the bud? Prolly not but if I had to do it again I would at least try to approach it wearing kids gloves and mention it.

[Uphill]

First communication or seeing XF since Sunday happened tonight at a S4 swap. I took him to her apartment and went in looking ever so stellar! sat his bag down and told her a few things for logistics. Went to give him a hug and kiss and leave right away and he wasn't having that. Started fighting with me at the door to stay. Throwing a hissy fit type thing. I overcame that, picked him up and started wrestling around with him. He was laughing in no time! At one point I caught XF out of the corner of my eye and she was just staring. The next time I turned that way she was staring at the floor chewing on a fingernail. Almost like she didn't want to see me being so good with him.

I'll don't think it changes anything but it felt like a win in my book!

Week total. Uphill 1, XF 0. Haha

[Uphill]

XF brought S4 to my house today. Right away he wanted to show her a few fun projects him and I had done around the home. I could tell it bothered her walking around the place she used to call home (not my problem, she left on her own free will). Things are getting done around here. Place is spotless. Made a few purchases to make it nicer. Every time she turned I could see it eating a little more at her.

I kept the PMA up and saw her out the door. Now it's off to the movies and bowling for me and S4

[Uphill]

Me and S4 had a great time today! Took him bowling for the first time and he loved it! Then went to see the new peanuts movie. Kept thinking about a certain DBer while watching it (pigpen) haha. Every time he was on the screen I caught myself smiling and thinking about PP and woofie! Now we're back home and settled in on the couch with one of his movies on the tv. Life is good!

[Uphill]

A little down today. Found out that there is an OM in my sitch now... Can't seem to shake the funky feeling. I honestly think I am done DBing with the intent to get XF back. It's stricktly for me now! That was a line a drew in the sand long ago and it has now been crossed...

[dday]

Up, sorry to hear that. I keep hearing that DB works best when it's done for yourself. Take care of yourself and be strong for your son

[Uphill]

It's not as sharp of a pain as BD and move out day were but it's like somebody kicked me in the stomach... It's just surreal.

[Uphill]

I think I felt it would never go this far? That some time and making as many correct moves as possible, I would eventually come out on top. It is somebody who I had suspected of sticking his nose too deep into things a few months back. I'm just not used to coming in 2nd in anything. This is weird for me but also gives me a bit of closure because I can now move forward and not feel bad for leaving her behind.

[Uphill]

After sleeping on this information I am more angry than upset.

Just to fill everybody in on how this all came to light. XF and S4 were at a wedding last weekend. A friend of a friend posted a video of a bunch of kids dancing. From the "start screen" I could see S4 tearing up the dance floor haha. So like any dad I clicked on it to see what it was all about. Shortly after the video starts, S4 goes back into the crowd. The camera followed him because he was the funniest on the floor. He ran back to XF who was standing there with OM all over her. For the next 3 minutes the camera went from the dance floor to S4, who was trying to get XF's attention. She didn't budge. Didn't acknowledge him at all for those 3 minutes. Finally she breaks free and it looks like a chore to go watch him.

I saw that, sat on it for a few hours and then couldn't do it anymore. I told her if OM is that important to her that she can't pay attention to S4, to let me know, I will make sure he is taken care of. Of course she tried to downplay it as hearsay, I said watch the video, no question about how it happened. She then admitted that they are a "thing" and have been for some time.

Anyways, my trust is completely gone now. I don't like that fact that S4 has to be around stuff like this. Before the 2x4's come from what I was thinking about last week, I would not have been around anybody while I had S4. That is the real kicker. He doesn't deserve to have to watch his mom be groped by a stranger to him...

[Uphill]

This morning a 1 1/2 hour heart to heart was initiated by XF. I put it all on the table. No more keeping my mouth shut at this point. She cried most of the time, seemed to have remorse but most likely nothing more than bread crumbs because she feels I'm done.