Ancaire, I might have missed this somewhere but do you have a videocamera in your room? I think you should be recording these events for your protection. And lock your bedroom door please!
Recommended by 10. In fact if you don't do this you are enabling WH and actively encouraging the drama. Lock your door especially if you are vulnerable asleep or in the shower.
Being charming starts the sweet cycle. I recommend you Google abuse cycle stages. It will eye pop.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/09/1502:14 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hi Ancaire, I'm also just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope there is a lot of GAL going on.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Hi guys. I'm okay. H is being petty, and changed the passwords for internet connection, so I've been without all weekend. Got him to tell me again today, but not until I'd spent an hour listening to all his "poor me" declarations of the many ways I've ruined his life.
Apparently, threatening him with a Restraining Order was the wrong thing to do. That's what triggered this onslaught of hateful spew. I apologized so I could get out of the situation. He's planning something ugly, I promise. He told me I'd be hearing from his lawyer but wouldn't tell me why. He tried to tell me I had to be out in 2 weeks, and I just laughed. I can't go anywhere with this case hanging over my head.
If he knew I'd recorded him, I'd be in big trouble. He's now changing his tune about the extortion, saying I misunderstood. I'm going to play as nice as I can for now. I don't like who I'm becoming around him. I have to remember taking care of myself does not equal being out to get him. When he senses I'm in a stronger position, he attacks.
I need to be true to me, without becoming a shrew in response. I'm really beginning to dislike him, though. I'm seeing him so very differently. It helps that he's being so mean and hateful...makes it easier to let go.
Plan for today is figuring out the fastest way out of here, even if I have to go stay with my mom a few months. Not sure if I can, since she lives in a different city. My car won't be repaired for weeks, so I'm kind of stuck. Alarms are going off, though. I've got to figure out money for the criminal case. I've got some help, but not enough. Ugh.
So much to do. Spent the entire weekend in tears, but have a plan in mind. Just need to make it happen now.
First, tell your lawyer that he is harassing you and making the home environment unnecessarily uncomfortable. Your L should tell his that he needs to stop with that behavior. After that notify your lawyer every time he engages in that aggressive behavior. Document everything.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Glad that you are able to post. For the short term, maybe posting here can be part of your safety plan. Just letting us know what is happening. Mustardseed gives great advice on this one and she should know, she has a Masters degree in managing this type of situation.
What we know about partners who demonstrate the types of behaviour you are reporting with H, is that separation is the primary time for escalation. The escalating sense of losing control is a trigger. Right now you need to be particularly strategic in how you keep yourself safe and minimise the moments which lead to H being triggered. Is it unfair that the person being victimised and harassed has to be so considered , absolutely. But this is about your mental and physical safety, not about fairness.
I don't know what social service support you have in your area with regards to Stopping Violence Programmes, but some outreach support from an organisation like this I believe is really important.
I am not sure about the US, but here in NZ, there are resources available like access to cheaper lawyers, and safety planning for when things escalate. Having a social service organisation on board, can also assist in ensuring evidence is not lost.
Right now I would also consider asking someone to come and visit for a a few days. Partners tend to manage their behaviour better in front of other people. Maybe suddenly your mum can visit for a week or daughter or that long lost friend, you talked about cousins. Make sure they know the lay of land This person needs to know that their presense is about descalating the potential for conflict they are not there to defend you honour with H.
I beleive your comments about not becoming a shrew, and looking after yourself are correct. We do what we know in the short term, in the longer term you will find ways to manage H, without losing self respect. Right now however, engagement with him is not necessarily about keeping yourself self-respect but about safety. Avoid conflict where you can. Locks on doors, a busy life out of the house, visitors to the house when he is present.
Please read V's account of her time in implementing a safety plan while she mobilised her resources to move WH on. She gave some great advice to Mustardseed too. V and Mustardseed and JulieH have all come through the other side. Seek their advice.
I am sending you good and protective thoughts and love Anc.
I'm still trying to figure this situation out. HE wanted the D. HE filed. It only started getting ugly when he figured out he was going to have to pay me something after raising 5 kids and moving 8 times. Then, he wanted to reconcile up until the moment I freaked out and wrecked two vehicles. I truly believe he expected me to only hurt myself.
Is this about money? About control? My gut feeling is money, but he is attempting to dictate where I go and what I do next, so there are some control issues there. He wants to manage what I tell our children. He's so bitter about the money, though. His spew and hatred are hard to bear. After I backed down today he was much nicer. I just need to keep my head down and say yes to whatever he says until I can leave. He won't leave because the lease is in his name and he works from home. He badgered/pressured me into signing the paper releasing me from the lease. I can't pay the bills, in any case.
I've talked to my L, who was supposed to talk with his. Mine is leery of doing too much with the criminal case ongoing. I am documenting, and recording when I can.
