A new thread for Eye-Tie

[Fogg]

EyeTie, thanks for that last post, its helped me also. Ill be honest and admit something, for a long time reading your posts I had the opinion you went a bit too far with your interactions and dating. To me, it just seemed like you were being cold but I realize now that's not exactly it. I realize now you are basically at the point of moving on from W and might not really take her back anyway and that's the point that's helped me some, ill explain in a second. I read about some others on here dating and while I see its appeal at the same time I have opinions on it while still being M.(I also realize that could change for me in the future also depending on the circumstances)

Please don't take that as judging either, I realize everyone has their own feelings and opinions on this and we all have different sitchs that can effect it and I respect that. If this is what you want then I wish you the best. I would just be careful and take some time to really consider what you would do if W really wanted to make the M work, if she came back full of remorse with a full commitment to work on things and change herself and the M. I'm not saying wait for this moment because that's putting your life on hold, just be sure if it happened tomorrow you have a decent idea of what you would do, because the more and more you become serious with J the more she can be hurt also and I think she realizes it also if she asked you what you would do.

So many parts of your description of you and W connected to my thoughts. I feel W had mental issues also that she has to face one day, she is much more like her mother than she realizes. I also know how she is around people, she doesn't treat them badly but she goes neglect their needs and doesn't realize how she talks to people which can come across as offensive at times. Different, but similar to your W. I also know what I've dealt with from her over the years (caused by both of our dysfunctions) would send other guys running if they could really see. She is a handful when things don't go the way she wants. I would make excuses for W also and I did for a long time after BD also, I still do to some extent now but I try to limit it and be conservative. Much of my journey this year has been working on me and avoiding that scornful bitter ex by trying to understand W's point of view the best I can. More of it has been changing myself and who I want to be but with the final intent of having a healthy relationship with her. I know by my actions now it will need to be working toward a healthy relationship and not just having her back, I wouldn't accept just that. The major things I can say have been different is that I can see my W has tried to limit the pain inflicted on me over this year so I can see she still cares and its not just completely about her feelings. Adding in the medical issues you went through I can even imagine how that stacked up with the sitch.

Balance for me has been huge and I struggle with it in everything. I see some people on here after they move into the anger phase and they let go of doing the things that work to give the relationship a chance, mostly its patience and jumping to a new relationship too soon when they aren't read, becoming bitter and acting like an [censored] toward the S, trying to punish them. I realize I've not been doing the balance thing that well and I stay too much in the understanding W too much. I need to accept and embrace moving on with my life and the possibility of meeting someone else. Not set out to do it but just accept it more than I have in my mind. Its a much harder thing for me to actually process as I've never had any other relationship than W so while I believe I can find someone else to be happy with I have no past experience to show me how that would work. It may be that it can only understand when it happens, so I ignore the fear it might not.

I guess the roundabout about way of saying thanks for showing me I do need to slowly embrace things more than I have been. Glad to hear your doing so well with things, this may be what your W needs to change herself also and I hope she does. I believe its my W's chance to do it but I still don't know where either of us will be when that happens.