She Wants me to leave...no way! 3

[Huddy]

Do you see how, last night, she was throwing you crumbs, and you gobbled them up. Cold light of day, she just wants to be friends. No way IS!

[isittoolate]

Huddy Yep I see it.

My defences were down a bit as I'd had a couple of glasses of Red and she looked all vulnerable. The shoulder rub was good for me too - I needed to touch her again. Her silently weeping at the same time showed that she is hurting/confused/guilt ridden whatever, it was just good to see her emotional to this process.
It showed progress...a baby step.

My Defences are up again and the DBing / ball growing continues.

Thanks for looking in, mate!

[Zephyr]

Huddy Yep I see it.

My defences were down a bit as I'd had a couple of glasses of Red and she looked all vulnerable. The shoulder rub was good for me too - I needed to touch her again.

I get that, but are you able to do that and detach your emotions from the outcome of this crisis at the same time?

Her silently weeping at the same time showed that she is hurting/confused/guilt ridden whatever, it was just good to see her emotional to this process.
It showed progress...a baby step.

Mind reading, we have no idea why she was weeping...it could have been that she could not stand your touch or she was thinking of a sad song or IT Does NOT matter, her sobbing when you touch her is not a good thing.

My Defences are up again and the DBing / ball growing continues.
Good, keep it up.

Thanks for looking in, mate!

[sandi2]

I have stopped acting out of fear, with very little anxiety, and my balls are growing.

Very attractive, I might add.

[sandi2]

So W thinks I'm 'pushing her out'

When a woman feels that she is the center of your world and she's in charge of what you and the kids do....then she will feel left out when she sees you and the kids doing things without her input or involvement. That does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It just means she is used to being the Queen Bee.

SHe has had very little pressure these last 6 months or so, but now pressure will mount at work for the next 4 weeks. Will she turn to me??? For sure.

What do I do? Make myself available or not?

Is there another man in the picture?

My defences were down a bit as I'd had a couple of glasses of Red and she looked all vulnerable. The shoulder rub was good for me too - I needed to touch her again. Her silently weeping at the same time showed that she is hurting/confused/guilt ridden whatever, it was just good to see her emotional to this process.

It's those moments she looks vulnerable that you need to be careful.

A couple of months ago I went to my doctor and he was listening to my heart, etc. I felt emotional that day and the tears started running down my face, as he was listening to my heart. Maybe it was just b/c a human being was touching me, IDK. I wasn't even sure why I suddenly felt vulnerable and emotional.

I said all of that to say this, you cannot interpret your W's tears. Sometime women cry as a relief or let down at the end of a day. Sometimes, it's just nature's way that women releases tension. (Women cry, and men have sex. JK)

It could have been a number of reasons, but progress? I don't see how you could call it progress in the MR, just b/c she had an emotional moment. But maybe that's just me.

[isittoolate]

hi Sandi2

Thanks for yr contributions

Is there another man in the picture?

I would say definitely no PA but I can't be sure about an EA.
W has a non typical relationship with a man who has mental and physical problems. She is a caring and compassionate person and tends to take life's waifs and strays under her wing. She says he is a good friend. They text and phone each other. She doesn't hide it away and will carry on talking to him with me in the room. I have met him and know him vaguely as his D went to the same primary school as my sons.
If my MR wasn't hitting the rocks I would be fine with it. I want to invite him and his W to dinner as a way of defusing this situation.

I have to regard it as an EA. I am not in denial about it, just trying to not let it eat me up.

As regards progress: there is none.

Last night we went to a fireworks display with two other families. There were fairground rides, hotdogs, a huge bonfire and two firework displays.

It was the first time W, I and the kids had been out together socially with other families in 6 weeks. It felt horrible. W wasn't cold or distant and the kids had a fun time but for me it was torture, knowing in the past we would be holding hands, or me putting my arms around her to keep her warm and us watching our kids have fun together.

I didn't expect any of those things but it was still hard to know that the facade that we portray to the other families is built on sand. W hasn't told at least 3 of her best GFs about the Inhouse separation - just 'we are having problems'

All I can do is take each day as it comes and do the best for me and the kids.

Going to review my goals and NUTS tomorrow.

[sandi2]

If my MR wasn't hitting the rocks I would be fine with it. I want to invite him and his W to dinner as a way of defusing this situation.

Why would it defuse the situation? It could backfire and become an excuse for him dropping in when you aren't there. Ever heard stories of A's with the spouse's best friend, or in foursomes? It happens. Don't open your home to a potential predator.

[isittoolate]

Hi Sandi2

I guess I'm thinking its better the devil you know and getting to know him better might put my mind at rest. W has lots of social circles, hundreds of FB 'friends', gay male friends in London, male old friends from her previous jobs. I gave her a boundary re: no EA/PA and she gave me her word. I have always trusted her word.

Maybe I'm a mug but thats the way Im going to take it forward at least in the short term.Integrity and trust are the last things to be broken in a WAS sitch.

He also feels uneasy about it all, and has asked W if he can be a friend of mine. I know there are dangers here esp. with W having a WW mindset - she is probably dreaming of a PA with someone.

I am 99% certain she would never have a PA with him - its a big like your gay boyfriend scenario except he is not gay.

[Huddy]

So, which bit of not believing a word she says and less than 50% of what she does applies to your last post?

'I promise IS I'm not having an EA, but here's my friend (insert name) and he promises we're not in an EA either. So, that's alright then, I can invite him over any time I want, day or night IS and you'll be fine with that, right?'.

'He's like a big gay boyfriend, who's not gay'. So, he's hetrosexual? How do you know that you're W isn't looking at his inside, instead of his outside?

Dangerous games in play here. Watch your back.

[isittoolate]

I was anxious today, as I didn't like being out with W last night for a family event.I didn't sleep well at all. It felt wrong - other families of 4 relaxing together, and our sham of a marriage.

W went to her all day exercise-a-thon and got back at 7:45 just in time for us to set off our fireworks in the garden.

That went well and it felt more like we were a family again.
W even called me by my pet name twice in 5 mins - probably a slip up on her part and I know its bread crumbs but its still nice to hear.

She uses this name when being affectionate towards me.

Anyway I'm off to bed early - reading to do, W is settled in front of TV, as usual with her favourite programme. I'll be damned if I will sit with her any longer.

Tomorrow kids are joining the Rememberence Service at the local cenotaph - in their scouts and cubs uniforms - so I'll be out with W again. Twice in 3 days.