I did tell her 2-3 times that since she has OM I do not need to support her financially; that I am happy to split the cost of living. This is somewhat of a boundary, right? But how can I enforce this?
That's the thing, you need to know if and how you can enforce it before you say it. Don't pop off something to her, and then come ask us how can you enforce it. Know what I mean?
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Last night, W and I talk for 1.5 hours on R.
Why did you take part of the talk?
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We touch upon the abortion
Why? You should know by now that she's going to repeat the same pattern as she has continued to do.
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W says, “you better check on her she is nauseous. She texted you (was that just a WW's BS). I looked on your phone and replied back to her.”
Why are you leaving text messages on your phone that your W can read? She will be finding you on this board if you are not more careful.
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This leads her to say that she sees me as being selfish and cannot change (the other example she shares is the MBR situation) that I have never put her first.. honestly, from her viewpoint of what she shares I have no response.. but internally it kills me because she is the most important person in my life and I never showed it.
In her frame of mind, she will see this the way she wants to see it. No use in responding to crazy.
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She asked me to define a R. So I shared what I learned from this sit.. how a R is about supporting and being there for your partner. She response that I was not there for her when her grandmother was dying that I made it hard for her to go see her grandmother before she died (but I NEVER told her NOT to go.. you can say I was an a$$ because I did not encourage her to go). She continued to twist it by saying, I feel she turned her back on the R when I was never there to support her (making reference to the definition of a R just shared.. suppose this is her trying to justify her A).
It does hurt when a woman feels her H is not supporting her emotionally. And for the record, yes, you sounded just like an a$$ regarding her GM. And yes, you are correct that she is trying to justify her A by dragging all this same old stuff up again & again.
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I suppose she thinks I having an A (but I not AND she should know I can’t get anyone preg.. got fixed). I do not response. Question, suppose I was in an A (which I am not) why is she mad at me? She fired me as her H.
Seriously? B/c another woman is texting her H! Just b/c she fired you doesn't mean she's not still jealous. A woman is very complexed. Add waywardness to the woman, and you have multiplied the complexity several times.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
