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Again, there's nothing saying you shouldn't be upbeat. You SHOULD be.

As for filling needs, I'm not sure...in my opinion, let OM try to fill ALL her needs. Then once you are in a recovery stage, you can start filling the needs that you weren't before.

She doesn't want you to fill needs OM is already taking care of.

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Hi Amel,

You're right, it is confusing!

The best advice I can give you is to call a Divorce Busting Coach today. Many of your online friends will agree that Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best advice on how to save your marriage and keep your family together. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

Last edited by Cristy; 11/02/15 09:56 PM.

A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

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So I have been not texting her. Not jumping to text her back anytime she writes. She is taking it as I'm being cold and a dick. So hard for me to detach emotionally while maintaining a positive relationship. However I'm going to stick with it and focus on myself. I don't want to be her friend or any type of support while she is with OM and not living up to her parental responsibility. If one day she gets out of her mindset maybe. But for now I'm going to detach as much as I can. Any advice on how to detach without causing conflict?

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Originally Posted By: Amel502
She is taking it as I'm being cold and a dick.

You cant control how she reacts. Did just being "nice" all the time lead to any progress?

Edit to add: conflict doesnt mean that you arent moving forward either. SHE IS SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER MAN. How can there NOT be conflict?

Last edited by Azzork; 11/06/15 07:40 PM.
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As long as you are not being rude or snippy then don't worry if she thinks you are being cold. Be up eat when you do speak but just be quick in and out.

She thinks you are being cold because she still wants you to be normal with her even though she has ended the M. She can't have it both ways.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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It helped with us spending more time together but she still leaves to go to him. Why should she get my best if she wants him. He can be all that for her and I'll focus on myself.

She moved out in July and still hadn't got her own place. She stays in the Army barracks. But she uses my house on the weekend to see our son. Do I put my foot down and tell her she can't use my house anymore. I think she is stalling so she doesn't have to take our son at night and can do her thing.

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Originally Posted By: Amel502
She moved out in July and still hadn't got her own place. She stays in the Army barracks. But she uses my house on the weekend to see our son. Do I put my foot down and tell her she can't use my house anymore. I think she is stalling so she doesn't have to take our son at night and can do her thing.

In my opinion, theres not a ton of benefit of kicking her out right now.

How about instead, you use her as a babysitter?

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Yeah she always takes off when he goes to sleep. Maybe I ask her to watch him so I can go somewhere.

I've been letting her come here for my son's benefit. Never want for him to suffer. I can be the bigger person and leave for the day.

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Originally Posted By: Amel502
Yeah she always takes off when he goes to sleep.


If she's going to stay in the house, she can spend half of the time taking care of your kid? Why are you letting her come and go and parent as she pleases?

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She moved in barracks in July. We've been living seperate. She's slacking getting a place. She refuses to move in and do that. That's why I said maybe I should tell her that she's not using my house and she needs to get her own place and start taking him. She says she will when she gets her own place but it's been since july

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