Picked up the boys. W and I had a pleasant conversation. She sent me home with food again. Offered other stuff too. Walking out the door, s6 said "We better be a family again by Christmas or I will run away to your house." W wasn't close enough to hear that one. I asked him about it when we got to my place, and he just said that he is going to be very mad if I am not home by then. (My feelings exactly!) He said that he doesn't talk to mommy about it though, just me. Kinda wish he did talk to her... it may help? I'm sure that she knows anyway.
As I was getting ready to leave, I asked of she was over her cold. Then as I got the boys in my car, I asked if she had gotten caught up at work. I tried to validate her concerns and struggles. She then told me that she is going to work off and on through the weekend. Will see her again Saturday at ball.
Nothing as great as I had hoped. Nothing negative at all. She is still the one I want, but I can make it without her. I will just have to distance myself much farther physically and emotionally. Hope it doesn't come to that! More pma will be called for this weekend. Easy when it's just for me and the boys. Even easier when W and I are getting along. Incredibly hard to detach during that though
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday, thank you for your support. It's great to have a group of friends that pick each other up when their down. The way your managing the husband/father role is great.
If this reality remains after Christmas you'll will have to have a conversation with your son about his expectations. There are smarter people here that can suggest what you should and should not say.
Had fun at ball practice with the boys last night.
S4 and I are starting the journey towards building my own house today.
Going to have a movie night tonight with my boys.
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Still hopeful. Still feeling upbeat. Still wish that there was something I could do to help the process move forward, feel the need to do something. I know that it appears to me that we are moving in the right direction. I need to be content with that, but it's hard. I see a sign, and want to run with it.
Boys are great, I slept in a queen bed with 3 kids, and it doesn't bother me a bit. It's crowded, but in a good way. These little dudes are great. Wish that I could see them more often, but we have fun when we are together.
Anyone that has gotten to piecing, what would be the next set of signs? I have been the one to walk away from the conversation the last couple times. I do more gal activities, but she never really asks. I guess that could be something there, if she starts asking questions. What else?
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
If you KNEW that you were going to reconcile, what would you expect the next steps to be from her? What things would she do that would have indicated her intent?
Edit to add: these are TINY steps Im talking about: sending an unsolicited text not about kids, asking about your day. Things like that.
I am actually, truly happy today. Happier than I have been in months.
Ah, that's what we like to hear!
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So, to be clear, conventional dB advice is to keep doing what I am doing for another week, right?
Not sure I follow what you are saying.
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Is there a point when I should start complimenting her again? Flirting? Should I start allowing myself to ask her questions? Is there a time to ask her out on a date, or do I just keep waiting?
I can tell you the time is not now.
Just curious, but give me some examples of how you would flirt with her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi. What I got from the DB book is do what works. Pma, let her initiate contact, etc. I was wondering when/if I should try to move things forward a step. I have pulled back from all compliments about her appearance, or how much I like those jeans on her, etc. Should I throw something like that into a conversation? Catch her eye from across the room smiling, try to initiate a small touch, etc.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Going to basketball for S8. He has a fun group of kids and parents.
Heard from a friend yesterday for the first time in a year.
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Will see W today, another chance for a good impression. Adding pennies to the DB jar. I'm looking forward to it.
Had a friend call that lives in DC. He invited me out for a weekend in December, and has a fishing boat chartered. All expenses paid, I just have to get out there. Plane tix are 125, so I think I will go. Should be a lot of fun. Haven't actually got to hang out in years. He doesn't know anything that I am going through. He told me to bring W with me, if she wants to see DC. I would love to. It could be an awesome opportunity for us to reconnect, and do something new. I wish we were definately on the road to reconciliation, so I would know to ask her to come. W and I haven't done anything alone together in over a year.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Saw W at ball. I was helping coach, so I didn't get to talk to her as much. It was pleasant, and first thing she told me a story about dinner with a girlfriend on Thursday night. Then about running errands yesterday. Then about maybe getting tix given to her for the big colts/broncos game. The way she was talking, I thought that she was going to ask me to go... but wants to take her dad instead and needs me to take care of the boys. I'm fine with it, just had my hopes up when she started talking about tix. So now I am a little bummed, nothing close to devastated though. I'm a huge fan of those 2 teams, but it was her dad's bday last week.
I need to figure out how to let go. She may be starting to come around, but I keep getting my hopes up no matter how much I don't want to.
S6 told me that he asked if I could come home for his bday. According to him, he asked W and she said that she is thinking about it. Hope that is true! She still isn't asking me anything yet, so I would guess it's not close.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
