in house seperation (3)

[vise82]

Hey Oh Great,

I agree that its crap, its a MR, it a commitment, its a promise, not this wishy washy thoughts of maybe missing me.

I am on my own with the kids for the next two days. But W said she will check in at night with a phone call to talk to the kids. Oh and I have the neighbor across the street that will keep an eye on me for her also while she is gone.

If the weather is good I am going to take everything out of the garage and organize it all. That should give him a lot to report to my W about. I just need some random people to park their cars in my drive way to mix it up too.

[OhGreat]

Throw a party. If you can, throw a party or hire a babysitter, go out (anywhere) and come home late. Writing that, I like the babysitter route better. You don't do that right? I seem to recall (though I am admittedly often confused) that your wife doesn't like babysitters. Get a babysitter and go out.

And, while I'm probably alone on this-every time your buddy next door talks to your W, go out of your way to say hi to HIS friend alone too.

[vise82]

Hey OhGreat,

I cant do the party, I don't know enough people yet that would come. I know it sounds bad but my friends were her friends, and my old friends, well, my W didn't like them and stupid me I listened to her and I lost contact with them.

I could call the baby sitter to look after the kids and I could go see a movie. That's a good idea that I wouldn't have thought about.

But then I would have to tell My W because she will know because of the neighbor. But I just say I was out. But she wont be happy with that answer and will probe me more to get info and if I don't give it to her she will get mad. Then she wont believe me that I went out on my own.

So this sounds like some good GAL, any other ideas besides a movie?

[OhGreat]

So a couple of things stand out-
The neighbor-you've told her you don't approve of the relationship right? While you can't control that, you can tell her that you won't listen to anything about the neighbor or conversations she's had with him. His opinions and insights mean absolutely nothing to you and if she brings up anything he says (especially about YOU) you won't listen. I think this is a legitimate boundary IMHO. He is nothing to you but the relationship is disrespectful to you and therefore you are not going to listen to anything about him at all.

So that is how you could address the questions. Now where to go? Honestly I struggle with this too. My instinct tells me to go out to a bar and get some action. With that out of the picture for now, other things just seem eh. Try the meet up app? Gym? Coffee? Call an old friend? Even if it's a movie leave well dressed and happy, come home happier.

[gs9]

Let her be mad. You aren't responsible for her reaction or behavior.
It's tough to realize this. My wife has a nasty temper. I tip toed around her for years. Not anymore. I've stated that I will not tolerate anyone speaking to me the way she does. When she would start spewing at me, I would put in my headphones and calmly walk away. A couple times I returned a little later to remind her that no one will speak to me this way and if she wanted to speak with me we could have an adult conversation with out the yelling and name calling.
Her behavior has changed. There's been a drastic decrease in outburst.

[Enigma]

Try the meet up app? Gym? Coffee? Call an old friend? Even if it's a movie leave well dressed and happy, come home happier.

Hi Vise, Agree with the above. I can relate as I lost contact with my closest friends where all I had in the end was my W and... was pretty much it. I called an old friend I hadn't spoken with in 9 years. We are now back on track and he understands my S which is helping. I'm now reaching out to other old friends on social media which is fantastic. Also trying new Meet up soon too.

I think as you are able to GAL (which I can understand is tough given schedules, family plans, etc.) and even small activities as listed above, will take your mind away.... even if for short while... from your current S. Enough of these small activities and your PMA may change for the better.

This was hard for me too in the beginning, but as GAL increased I slowly started to feel better and get out of my funk. There are still low moments, but not as bad.

So have a fun few days if you are able to

[vise82]

Hey,

So today I got so caught up playing with my boys at the park then getting dinner ready then eating, I forgot about their weekly kid play meeting. This is something my W will use as an example of how forgetful I can be and use it against me. Just ran out of time by the time I realized It was time to go it was too late. I am a little disappointed but its not the end of the world, the kids were having fun with me.

I have the babysitter booked, I am going to see the new james bond movie. It should be pure inspiration for me.

Now how do I handle telling my W? Dammed if I do dammed if I don't. Besides the kids always tell anyway. I think I will leave it till the last minute then tell her. Like when the kids say something, then I can say yes I did go out... and the babysitter looked after the kids for a couple of hours.

I am hesitant in looking up old friends, there is just so much drama that goes with it. As they are still friends with my brothers who I don't talk to anymore. Its a nasty social web that I am out of, not sure I want back into. But what I am into right now is not good either. Just not ready to reach out yet I guess.

[OhGreat]

OK, so if I were you:
You didn't miss the play date, you decided to have fun with the kids yourself. All went according to plan and you really valued your time with them so you blew off your play date.

Old friends? No big deal-you got your reasons (though you {and I btw}) need to make new ones.

Telling your wife about the babysitter? I wouldn't. Wait til a kid mentions it. It's not like you're getting a play by play of what she's up to. Screw it. Then when she asks you say you went out. Tell her you went to a movie, it don't matter.

And have fun man. Enjoy the downtime.

[vise82]

Hey OhGreat,

YOu make some good points I decided to just have fun with the kids and styed home with them.

I am boing to the movies tonight but I am feeling like backing out and not going but I wont, I need this. Even if its by myself.

W texted twice this morning, asked how we all are doing ( usually it just how are the boys doing), and that she is headed to breakfast.

So I haven't replied yet, going to wait till I am done work. W was going to call tonight to talk to kids hopefully she does it at dinner time as I will out after that.

I had to go to the bank yesterday to see about closing our old joint account, found out W did it already , didn't tell me and took the $40 balance. $20 of that is mine, not sure it even worth mentioning. But that is proof of her stealing $, Ha HA.

Also I didn't notice at first but after talking to the teller there was this connection, and attraction that just hit me. we just locked eyes and continued to talk about the account and I got the butterflies, Just came out of no where and all of a sudden I was very attracted to this girl and I was getting that vibe from her also.

Its nice to know that I can still feel like that, its so rare that happens though but I had to let it go as a fleeting feeling at the time. After I left the bank I thought for a second that maybe I didn't have to go to the movies alone...

[vise82]

Hey,

Had a good night at the movies, got to see the new james bond movie. I went by myself, but I don't car it was fun.

Kid were giving me a hard time about the babysitter, crying asking me to stay but I stayed to putt hem to bed and the babysitter looked after them while they were asleep.

I met my new next door neighbours and they are really nice with a couple of young boys. This is a 180 for me to meet them as I would avoid it. So with my W away I made a point of meeting them, just cant remember all the names.

Here is the thing they are friends with my neighbor across the street who is the gay guy that my W had a EA with over the summer. I cant get my self away from this...And I read my W text to him she thinks the new neighbors H is hot and that hot guys have hot friends. So this is what I am dealing with. These comments are bothering me a little but its just talk. I am over her comments.

W is expected back today, no contact yet today, life goes on, I have soccer tomorrow night so that will be fun.