Another day, in which I am working through my emotions, working on PMA. I have written 3 pages worth of feelings and thoughts into my journal this morning. I am trying to become objective in all of this, I am guilty of glorifying my past, placing my wife on a pedestal. As of now, it is as if she can't do no wrong, no matter what she has been doing, has done, I seem to want to excuse her actions and words, as well as take on blame and guilt.
The feelings of jealousy and inferiority are strong sometimes. I have been reciting my affirmations, and visualizing my future every morning, just so that I can continue to look forward as oppose to backwards, but yet, there is this magnetism that draws you back. Of course, I know that I shouldn't be comparing myself, feeling inferior, because I am not beneath or above anyone else, but can't seem to shake these feelings at times.
Wife texts me yesterday, saying she wants to speak to the boys and to let her know when I am home. I told her the time, she says she will be taking a power nap before her dinner plans, but never called. I don't plan on bringing anything up, but these are the type of things that hurt and I can't help feel some kind of way about.
I am just hoping I can get pass this as soon as possible, I know slow and steady, but feeling this way, it hurts a lot. I have to remind myself that God has a plan that involves a much better life than the one I am leading now.
God Bless
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
