WAS or what (3)

[roist]

[quote]One he is her best friend and does not want to outline our problems to anyone else. Two, she wants him to feel sorry for her and empathize.

I think most women have a need to talk about their problems to someone. It may be their mother, sister, or best friend. If she has no relatives or other women friends, that could be the basic reason she's turning to him. She may not be the least bit attracted to him, however, it can all can change.[color:#33FF33][/color]

We moved from my home country to be closer to her family,
but she is not close emotionally to them. In fact they seem to stress her more than ever. I am not bitter about her wanting to move home and then not capitalise on the main reason. Anyway she is not likely to open up to her parents, or her youngest sister and her closest sister does not seem to be party to knowledge either. She has fallen out with most of her recent friends, except ONE! I am now better, mire willing and more in touch with my feelings and communicating than in our entire 20 years together but don't have much opportunity to show that.

I hadn't planned on writing about that.

Anyway I just wanted to share a tool that I believe could be helpful that I started today. Every morning think of at least ten things that you appreciate in your life. Normally you are supposed to write them. I will bring this a step further and I will aim to express this appreciation as often as possible. I may also do it at night before going to sleep as it may be more beneficial for me. Oh and you can be grateful for the same things day after day so no stress to find new ones, though it is better to do so.

[mutatio]

Keep moving forward roiste, you're growing and evolving. Your growth will enable you to overcome this crisis. How it ends no one knows but we do know you will come out the other side a better man.

[roist]

Mutatio, sometimes I think I am evolving. At other times I wonder if I am just the same old guy that got into this mess. But I now have done my list of goals to becoming roiste 2.0. I need to fill in some more details and actions, but my roadmap is almost in place. I am a little excited about where that will bring me.

I am really digging deep and this is going to be my focus for the rest of the year. I imagine six months is not unreasonable to give this project.I won't set a deadline but will have measurable revisable mini goals.

Over time I intend to replace five undesirable characteristics with five that I want or that are admirable. These I have chosen. I will rework my original DR goals too. I will keep going on all the other goals/actions already put in place, with a high priority on kids. Included in this will be tonnes of reading too.

Z, I know all of this is not filling the hole you mentioned about me getting out and doing stuff for me. But that will not be neglected. This weekend I have been asked to go mountain biking by two groups and a hike too. I may not manage all three, but definitely two.

[Mowgli]

Hang in there, man!

You have a plan and that's the most important thing. Only we know when we are done.

[roist]

Thanks Mowgli, I have a plan and I am a little excited about who I may become. I will follow through with that regardless. I say regardless because it may not take much to push me into I have had enough. I want to understand why this is. I see others here go through worse treatment by their S, and they never doubt what they want. Is my love weaker, am I 2eaker. Idk. But ultimately it does not matter how I compare to others, but that I am true to me.

I came home last night and saw W had a prescription for putting on a sterility device.That threw me for six. She was out so I had time to stop reeling, before I saw her. Luckily.


When kids were in bed, I asked how her appointment went. She told me she has to go back to fit the devise. I wondered why she wanted it. With eye contact she explained it was to stop her periods, and why she wanted this. I had looked it up on the internet and this is a secondary use for this device.

I was calm and collected. But earlier when I saw the prescription I freaked out. Not because she could be having sex, though it did cross my mind. But mainly because it reminded me of how long it has been for us. Years ago she stopped taking the pill. She thought it was maybe affecting herlibido. And things did improve briefly just after that.

I guess it reminded me that she had tried something to improve us. A part of me hoped but didn't think so, that this would be for us too.

I can look back and see many examples of her trying to help us. I just wasn't able to see it clearly. I hope there will be another one.

Even if not I would like to be able to express my appreciation for everything throughout the years. We are together 20 years in two weeks time.

I hate this situation.I don't hate my W, but I hate this treatment of me. I hate the attention she is giving inappropriate friend. Hatred turns to resentment and that destroys people.I hate this last year. But I choose it. I choose it as the best path towards staying together. I am grateful for it because I havellearned so much about me and life and about love.

I am teary eyed now, but I am not sad. I honestly think my W is close to losing so much but is blinded. I never thought she was a fool. I am not perfect, but I am sure she will never find anyone who loves her as much and who would do almost anything for her. I am not putting a timeframe on things but 2016 will be better than 2015, and that may necessitate a different path.

OK enough emotional blah blah. I have work to do. Busy day ahead.Happy thoughts for all my readers.

[Zephyr]

Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts!

[roist]

Anyone ever read "the curse of lovely". It was the closest thing I found to nmmng. It is next on my read list, so just wondering. After that I have codependent no more, lined up.

Other than that nothing much to note. I have finished listening to a be your full potential CD book... twice. I have started some of the pma exercises in that, plus others taken from other books. I may outline more of these, but for now I want to concentrate on making these habits and not just exercises.

I am implementing my plan to replace poor characteristics with better ones. Part of this is being more assertive at home. I have started letting W know when her behavior is not acceptable,e.g. talks to me like I was her kid, instead of an adult. Obviously I try limit this to stuff important to me and my respect,because otherwise it could be time consuming! I have to tweak this but it is one of my new actions started.

One of my exercises is grounding so I don't over dwell on the past or over stress the future. If anyone has advice about grounding, I'm all ears.