less confused newbie (7)

[Ancaire]

Ooo...I can tell you most of the time, a woman does not want help fixing things when she's just sharing. My H did that to me all the time, and I got to where I almost hated him for it. Example:

M: "It was really rainy outside today."
H: "Did you take your umbrella?"
M: "No, didn't think about it. My hair got soaked. It was fun splashing in the puddles."
H: "Did you not see it was going to rain when you went outside? Why didn't you make sure to get an umbrella?"

Conversation over. I'm mad, he's confused. I was sharing my day. He saw an area I could improve. NOT what I was after.

Validating:

M: "It was really rainy outside today."
Dream H: "Was it? Did you enjoy the rain?"
M: "OMG, I did! It was so much tun splashing in the puddles. My hair got soaked. It was like being a kid again."
DREAM H: It sounds like you really enjoyed being out in the rain. Why don't we take a walk together in the rain next time we get a chance?"

Wife sighs happily, and gets stars in her eyes.

Men want to fix. Unless she asks for a solution, women just want to speak and be heard.

Wife may be getting spooked after closeness this weekend. Just be patient D. Think turtle. You're doing a really great job!

[isittoolate]

I was also a fixer until I read Men from Mars 4 years ago. There is a chapter called No More Mr Fixit.

Now I listen more than any man I know. Listen, validation, ask an open question , nod yr head, lean in, eye contact, face body towards W, and repeat....easy

The body language is just extra. I remember just a few months ago W having 'trouble with one of her best GFs.

She talked on the phone with me for about 30 mins each morning (I was working away) and at the end, each time she said' thanks I feel much better now' .all I had done was listen and validate

[dday]

Isn't it funny how differently men and women are wired? And part of it is my job, I suppose. At work it is, "hey, this quit working", and I go try and troubleshoot it. I really need to quit doing that with my W. Something constructive to work on.

________________________________

I am grateful today:

It's my Friday! Been a good, busy, constructive week at work.

I get the boys the next few days. Have S8 all star basketball practice tonight. It's fun to see how competitive these little dudes are.

I get a chance to see W and keep the streak alive of great interactions. I will try not to push. I like the turtle analogy, seems fitting.

[mutatio]

dday keep it up, I see you becoming a very good version of yourself. Be well

[Azzork]

I get a chance to see W and keep the streak alive of great interactions. I will try not to push. I like the turtle analogy, seems fitting.

Heres another one I like. Pretend that she is a squirrel you are trying to get to eat out of your hand.

[dday]

I am actually, truly happy today. Happier than I have been in months. I also have the excited feeling in my stomach, like when you are getting ready to get on a roller coaster or something. I really have no expectations today, but I am just looking forward to seeing W and having a good PMA. I get to pick up the boys, and S4 and I are going to go look at house designs tomorrow.

Not sure what has put me in such a good mood, but I like it

[dday]

So, to be clear, conventional dB advice is to keep doing what I am doing for another week, right? Is there a point when I should start complimenting her again? Flirting? Should I start allowing myself to ask her questions? Is there a time to ask her out on a date, or do I just keep waiting?

I know, I'm impatient. It just seems that things are better now than since may. Still no physical touch, which I am craving like crazy. But she doesn't seem so quick to end a conversation. Smiles more. Seems happier around me. I know I am too hopeful too. Looking for suggestions please.

[Uphill]

Personally I would wait much longer before looking for a date with her. Possibly to the point that she opens the door to it? Any point you pursue too quickly she will most likely pull herself back into her she'll and you will be starting at square one again...

[Azzork]

Dday -

Heres some sage advice Ive received many times -

You cant hurt anything by going too slowly. You CAN do all kinds of damage going too quickly.

[dday]

Thanks guys