Mustardseed Sprouting

[mustardseed]

So after feeling awful and defeated most of yesterday, I got myself back in gear. H called about some shopping he did with D, and it was a really positive, normal, pleasant conversation. After all of the nasty back and forth earlier in the day.

After we hung up I was spinning, how do we go from Z to a so quickly. How crazy and bipolar is this relationship we have--and am I to blame for this constant pendulum? I was trying to explain it to my sister and that was when I realized that the difference was that the earlier conversations were initiated by me, and he won't engage. This one was initiated by him and his needs, so he actually communicates. And things feel--dare I say--nice.

And that I guess is the difference. When he stonewalls, I get frustrated and react. When we are discussing something that he wishes to discuss, he is open to communication and things are positive. If it wasn't for all of the information V has been communicating, I probably wouldn't even recognize the pattern.