Yes, I remember it, Ghost. It concerns me, b/c you came to this conclusion based on the fact you found a book she was reading that had highlighted parts. You immediately assumed she felt you had been abusive to her. So, if she reads a book that teaches something completely opposite of what you believe.....will you automatically accept that as truth, without question or doubt....simply b/c she read it?
I'm not say you were or weren't abusive, I'll just say it's hard for me to imagine it. After what you've said about her, and after seeing how easily she can persuade you to think and do whatever she wants.....yes, it's pretty hard to see you being her abuser. And now, you are attending a group for abusive men. And all b/c you stumbled across a book she read! I read a lot of books, too. I underline/highlights parts, but that doesn't mean it is referring to my H or even someone I know! Your W could have highlighted it for an entirely different reason.
If you cannot tell us how you abused your W......then wouldn't that make you doubt it? And as for the control issue, do you remember what I said were the 2 main cards a WW uses? (If you didn't read the WW threads, then you wouldn't know.) Here's a hint: One of them is "control". Almost all WW's will accuse the H of trying to control her. So, welcome to the LBH's club!
Now, can you tell us how you controlled her? Will you have to ask her for some examples?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
