V is for Vanilla 24

[JulieH]

V

I refer to that abusive relationship as me being conned and him being a con artist. It was Just a heist. I Always wondered why I was susebtible to that type of treatment, but I never looked into it, just moved on. Reflecting back I think me and perhaps you too had a lot of love to offer and wanted to believe the best in someone. We had trust in them because we were trustworthy ourselves. We believed in them more then In ourselves and I think it's because we just loved and didn't understand how others could be cruel. I dont know why we allowed someone to treat us that way, but I wish I had more to offer you. I have read, and I am sure you did too, that abusers use similar tactics that cult leaders do in order to maintain control (mine did something so awful to maintain control but I will share another time). i know you know already that this is their shame, not yours nor mine. But sometimes it helps to remind ourselves. Also, its easy to be mad at ourselves for that lapse of judgment. We knew better. We are smart, educated, etc. But that type of control plays on more then that. So i know its easy to say, but forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. Hopefully we will learn from them.

I work to help people recover from injuries and physical impairments. I am so surprised by how different people heal and recover function, despite the extent of the injury. Whenever someone says something like "oh this stupid arm" I try to redirect them. Vanilla, I think if you start speaking and looking upon your body with kindness it will respond in like. You are more then just a cerebral being. You are a whole.