That is a great question. My honest answer is that it will hurt me tremendously, but I don't know what it would mean to me. Seeing that I have for the majority of my younger days been a cheater, I don't feel right judging her, for something I have been guilty of. At the same time, I have changed a lot during this marriage, and have done everything to rectify this problem, so I might feel like staying away would be what's best for me. The fact that we have children, makes it difficult for me to just not think about speaking to her, or maybe that's an excuse I tell myself. So in short (I know, too late) I don't know how I would react, I guess I would have to cross that bridge when I get there. The fear of it happening, the thoughts of her being with someone else, the sense of competition, of someone having her but me, are what kills me.
For what it's worth, here's my thoughts.
You arent going to ever KNOW whether she did or she didnt. If you DO find out, it's going to be a long time from now, and the details likely wont matter to you anymore.
In my opinion, the level of physical waywardness doesnt matter that much. The mindset is the same whether she's chatting, kissing, or sleeping with him. But, I certainly respect that there may be some differences to people; that there are some lines that they just cant accept being crossed.
What really helped me was expecting the worst. I assumed that she WAS sleeping with OM, and figured out my reactions based on that. I think that you and your WW have a lot more contact than I had with mine, so Im not sure how all of that will play out for you going forward. But, I kinda think things will be a lot easier on you if you think she HAS slept with OM and hasnt than vice versa.
