Re: She Wants Me to Leave....3rd Time in 4 Years 2

[isittoolate]

Ancaire - thanks - I hope to add to this list as my thoughts rationalise who I am as a man.

Btw - I see you support many threads on here - always with kindness from yr heart. I admire you for yr humour and candour through yr most troubled times. I can see what a great mom you have been and still are to yr children.

You still love to mother , a gift only women can own.

[isittoolate]

I had the best sleep for 5-6 weeks - 4-5 hours uninterrupted except for dreams - then another 2!

Today I have organised the afterschool activites and have asked W to assist. Usually she does it - so this is a 180. She is in London today back later on - not sure which train.

S11 has a drums lesson at 4:45-5:30, S8 has swimming lesson at 5:00-5:30. I will take S11, then S8 and stay with S8 and have a father/son swim time with him after his lesson.
W has to pick up S11 and make dinner for us 3 for 6:30/7.she can make her own vegetarian meal.

I have organised her

Then later I will go for a run or work on fixing my bike.

Having fun spending money on me, new clothes, running gear, and botox later . This is not reckless spending just similar to what W spends on herself. In the last 2 weeks she has bought two jackets, several pieces of work clothes, running gear , had botox and waxing.

[Zephyr]

Good revisions to your list!

Following through with goals is important so I like that you are doing the weekly goal check in. It will help keep u on track!

Great work IS.

[mutatio]

Is you seem in a better place. You are more effective in this frame of mind. Get up the good work!

[isittoolate]

Mutatio - thanks - I have much less regret and angst about the past. I cant change it, only influence my future.

I will get on with my life trying to abide by my goals and Non-negotiable Unaltered Terms.

I get less fretful over what W is doing, I am not waiting on her every text, email, conversation.

Each day I list my things to do and tick them off during the day.

[roist]

What is N.U.T.s?

[isittoolate]

Hi Roiste

Read: Hold on to your NUTS

They are Non-Negiotable Unaltered Terms:

Effectively: rules which you will abide by through your life to be true to yourself as a Man,Father,Husband,Friend,Son.

Here is a sample from the web:

I am faithful to my wife.

I say what I want.

Compassion for my family trumps my need to be right.

I replace doubt with acts of faith.

I am a risk taker.

I devote at least three hours a week to my writing.

I will only seek validation from the men.

I live in accordance with my religious faith.

I do what I believe is in the best interest of my kids, even if they disagree.

My commitment to my children comes before everything else.

I do not ask for permission.

Fear does not keep me from taking risks.

I do not indulge my addictions.

I am a man of my word—period!

I take my problems to men, not to women.

I do not show anger to my elderly mother.

I do not tolerate my wife’s attempts to belittle me.

When name-calling begins, the discussion is over.

I spend time with the men.

I have my own private office/space some place in my house.

I exercise regularly.

I do whatever it takes to keep my family in our home.

I ask for help when I’m not being the man I want to be.

I speak my mind in spite of my fear of confrontation.

I honor my daily spiritual practice.

I welcome feedback.

I only apologize when it’s appropriate, not simply to please others.

I do not hide out at work just to avoid issues at home.

I decide how I interact with my boys.

I choose which of my friendships to maintain.

I do not sell out who I am to placate others.

I share my men’s work with the men in my life.

I do as I see fit.

[Zephyr]

It is a terms that the book 'HOLD ONTO YOUR N.U.T.S' USES.

basically they are your tenants that you will live by and will not compromise yourself on.

There is a pretty good primer on the arm of man website you can peek at to see what it is about. A good book to coincide with nmmng.

[isittoolate]

Hi roiste

It picks up on what Sandi2 says about women losing respect for H because he stops acting like a man in the R especially after kids.

Who wears the trousers in your house? (A saying in the UK!)

Who does all childcare arrangements?
Who pays the bills?
Who sort out the social life for you both and the kids?
Who organises the family events?
Who rules in the bedroom and romance?
Has your friendships with men suffered since the MR?
Have you stopped progressing at work - are you still ambitious?
Have you let your go physically and professionally

[OhGreat]

I became less of a man for a lot of reasons, but ultimately I let it stick because it was easier on me at the time. Manning up takes work and vigilance, but it's doable. Now when w calls me a (insert 4 letter word for male genitals here) I know I am behaving the way I should've been the entire M.