Hi My friends. Thank you for your encouraging words of wisdom. I am so happy that y'all understand. Y'all have helped so much in perspective, support and prayers. Thank you! Luv y'all!
Continued prayers are being lifted for all of you.
Health update: Still on chemo. Still doing good. CT scans came back good. No new lesions. No new cancer. So everything still looks good - YAY! Praise God! I will be going in for my bone scans later this month. PRaying!
I have read all of y'all's suggestions and I've tried each one. I am in the middle. I don't qualify for any programs because I'm not poor enough.?!? They go completely on income regardless of expenses. I tried to explain that what my XH provides barely covers house, utilities, gas, insurance, food, not to mention cc bills, medical copays and now OBAMACARE. They don't care cuz according to them I don't need help since I barely make it covering just food and shelter. They don't include health insurance nor medical copays as a major ding to what monies I do get. But thank y'all for the suggestions. I'll keep looking.
MLC I don't even know where to begin. It's so long. I'm really getting frustrated with my atty. It's also so late in the game that I really don't know if I can start over.
1) XH text that he wants to talk to the boys everynight at 8p and I need to make sure they're available.
2) Boys cried and were very upset cuz they really didn't want to talk to him everyday.
3) I gently forced them to talk to him cuz I said if they didn't talk then it'll come back that I'm interfering (which I'm not).
4) DS16 called XH and explained that none of the boys want to talk with him. XH wanted to hear it from all the boys which they did.
4) XH requests to talk to me on the phone. I shouldn't have. But he begins this tirade of how I am brainwashing the boys against him. That when they walk out of my house they walk out like robots until they're with him then they're relaxed, talking and laughing.
Here's the rest:
XH: I need you to back me up. IF the shoe were on the other foot, I would be talking you up that they're gonna see mom and have a good time.
Me: I do tell them to go have fun with you. I don't talk bad about you.
XH: bullcr@p.
Me: xh I want to have a good parenting relationship with you as I know you would want the same.
XH: You aren't helping. You are bad mouthing me even to my own family at parties.
ME: No I don't. I am not talking bad about you. And if the shoe were on the other foot - first I wouldn't have left. second I wouldn't have invited my GF to confirmation Third I wouldn't have gotten married before the divorce is signed by a judge. Fourth I wouldn't have gotten her knocked up. (I shouldn't have blown up -oops!)
XH: We were already divorced.
ME: I know that now.
XH: and I didn't get her knocked up. We planned this.
ME: REally? That's weird.
XH: The boys are seeing what a good relationship looks like.
ME: No. They don't like what they see. You aren't caring about them. The boys want to go to another counseling session with you.
XH: I'm not going to that counselor. She's biased. I know you found her through a friend of a friend. I won't go there and have another bash on XH session.
ME: The boys just want you to listen to them.
XH: **click*** He hung up!
So today, Xh and OW show up at DS11 school to meet the dean of students and some teachers. I had asked the dean not to have OW present but he forgot. UGH!! XH sent a nasty email regarding our child's grades and then went on how the other children are doing in school. I didn't respond.
XH called children again tonight and spoke to DS11 about his grades and how he cares about the boys and it's not fair that he was left out of the loop. DS11 tried to explain about his classes but XH wasn't listening. XH even offered his dad to help with my DS in school work after my son said that I help him understand the subjects. then XH text me after the phone call.
TEXT:
XH: VGE I would've appreciated a response that u got my email today cuz it was about our children's wellbeing. I know u got the msg cuz DS11 just told me that he knew I was at his school today & I talked to his teachers. But I think it's wrong of u to keep me out of the loop & when I ask for a response u ignore me when it doesn't go ur way. I need to seek professional therapy for yourself cuz u r bitter & upset to the pt that u r using the kids as a leverage tool against me. & the only thing u r doing at that pt is hurting the boys. I don't expect u to b happy or excited that I've moved on. That's ok cuz I'm not seeking ur blessing but u need to show some respect for me & OW. I've never spoken to the boys negatively about u & neither has OW. Therefore I expect u to do the same. It's even written in the decree. I want what is best for the boys. I want them to be successful & loved.
So my friends, what do I say. He sounds logical, reasonable? How is it that I need therapy and I need to show him & OW respect? How is it that just now he's completely devoted to our children and wanting to be part of their lives? Now that he's married and expecting another child - was that the DAD wakeup call?
Boys aren't wanting to talk to him but have. Boys really don't want to live with him and make do with just the overnight thing. I don't talk badly about him to the boys nor his family. I have homeschooled the boys and he was never really interested in what they were doing. Even when they'd explain what they were learning he just wasn't there for them.
Anyway, I am so hurt. Seems like he wants everything from me...house, vehicles, money, children and my life. I am not bitter cuz I really don't care about what he's doing unless it affects our children. They are hurting. IT shows in their attitudes and their grades. DS11 is in a school environment and trying to adjust to this very academically rigourous school (he'll do great), managing life with a mom who has cancer, dealing with a dad that moved out for a gf, married her and now is expecting a new sibling. This is a lot for anyone but on top of that to make "A's". DS11 needs time.
I told XH before he left, that if he left, it would impact our children academically, mentally, emotionally and socially. And I was right. Our DS9 has fallen behind in reading, DS16 struggling in english but both excel in math. DS18 also has his moments with the curriculum. I see all of this and I'm trying to help them but for XH to bash me about homeschooling I find hard to cope with. He and his parents have always bashed the idea and now that XH was at DS school, I'm sure he went straight to his mother (my MIL) to explain the whole story who then tells EVERYBODY EVERYTHING! Not to mention OW probably spread the whole thing out there.
Now the visits with dad my be interrogation and quizzing.
