V, no thanks is necessary....you held me through many moments of my life being a little strange. My rainbow strength was ignited by a flash of light and love from you. It seems only right to send some back your way. I wish I lived closer and could offer more practical support.
Your sitch reminds me of mother's experience with my father. My mother's account would be that it felt like a never ending cycle. I remember the anxiety she had of what would be next. In a constant state of hyperviglence, fight, flight or freeze. I now see my mother's PSTD symptoms that I managed through my late teenage years.
Maybe it is the way of the compulsive, as you know my father was a compulsive gambler like your STBX. How I remember it, was that my father could never lose and everything was a competition and he had to fight till he won. But as you said V, the truth is important. In the end it is what was my father's undoing. My mother had kept clear evidence of everything based on advice from a court appointed family therapist, who had seen us as a family. This included police reports and photos, evidence from my school that my father had been visitng the school grounds while a restraining order was in place against him.
My father was a compulsive liar and his version of the truth and his behaviour (no lawyer would take on his case in the end as he was so difficult to deal with, 4 lawyers in total and ended up representing himself), ultimately provided my mother with the outcome she wanted. Which was to be left alone and never to have contact with him ever again.
V my mother walked away with a roof over her children's head and the contents of the house. That was enough if it meant he was out of our lives.
Your testament of truth will set you free and bring this to an end. The goal will be keeping you healthy in the meantime. RD would be there in a mintue if you needed him. In fact I know most people here would. Please catch up with him in Ireland. Let him be the helping hand we all want to be, and let him give the healing hugs that we all want to provide to lift you up and heal your heart and body.
I guess I write too much, in the hope that I can convey how much I truly care.
