We are all in a awkward situation and this site has been of a great hell for everyone. I consider you as a friend and I'll always check on you and see what I can do to help. Not in a better place myself yet, but I'm hoping we will both get through it in the end :-)
Keep faith, I'm convinced that only strong people are capable of handling what we are going through.
Shotgun, I don't know where you live, but I can tell you the single most effective thing I can do for being depressed is to force myself into some sneakers and out the door for a walk. Some days it really is force. Once I've done it, I have never regretted it - but there have been plenty of times I've regretted NOT going.
It doesn't have to be long, either. Just being outside, moving, and looking around really helps stabilize the chemicals in the brain. You will find your mood picking up, you'll do some problem-solving while you're out, and your energy will increase.
I really know what I'm talking about on this one. Do it for your kids, if you don't want to do it for yourself. They deserve an engaged parent, not one barely making it through the day. It's hard work getting up the motivation to beat off the blues, but not so hard to manage once you get moving. I wish I'd known this even last year. Things would be so different if I had.
Thanks Ancaire. I have a workout regimen but I have really let it go of late. I'm finding a million reasons to not get out and run and to go to the gym. What you say is true about the physical activity helping with depression. I guess that I have just gone into a downward spiral. The worse I feel the less I workout and the less I workout the worse that I feel. Got to break that cycle. I promise you that I will go to the gym tomorrow!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Good for you! I will check, so don't let me down. I've been slacking off this week, too, and this needs to stop. My PMA is going down the drain. So, you and me? We're getting some exercise tomorrow, right?
Ancaire I hope that I haven't let you down. I went to yoga class yesterday and I am going to run today. It is beautiful outside and I need to take advantage of it. It was a small class at yoga but the routine is new and very challenging. Getting better at standing on one foot. I can do a back bend for thirty seconds. Core strength is much improved. I have to get back to lifting weights as my strength is much diminished from the cancer.
Rouky other than the exercise I am just hanging with S13. I have to get it together emotionally for him.
I am struggling to behave myself around the ladies. It sure helps the ego to have a cute girl interested in you but I know at this point I would just be using her. This is all just so hard. My therapist keeps reminding me that I am no where near ready to start dating. Ugh.............
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
I'm sorry to sound stupid but how do you feel about dating? I don't mean dating like starting a relationship but just to share a meal/ a good time with someone. I know your IC says you are not ready but deep down how do you feel?
You don't sound stupid Rouky. Dating seems so awkward at this point. I am meeting single women but it doesn't feel right. I suppose that someday I will meet that girl that knocks me off of my feet. As far as casual dating it seems that single women my age are looking to get married. My therapist says that I shouldn't give hope to a lady who really wants to land me. It's a good problem to have that I meet ladies who want to marry me but I have to be sure that I have the energy to put into a relationship. I also have a lot of healing to do both mentally and physically. I have also learned through a lot of expensive therapy that women with daddy issues are drawn to me like a magnet. My wife's therapist told her that her emotional development stopped at thirteen when her mother left her dad. If only I had understood that when I met her. I would probably still have given my heart to her anyway because I fall in love easily. I am however armed with new knowledge and will hopefully recognize when a girl has daddy issues in the future. I have gone out with two women recently and they were both trying way too hard. I also am attracted to women who are highly intelligent and have yet to run into that type recently. It seems that they are too smart to get into a mess where they are in their late fourties and starting over or perhaps too smart to get involved with a man such as myself who is embroiled in the quagmire of a divorce.
Perhaps I will go to the UK and search for the next Mrs. Shotgun! I met a girl in Coventry in 1996 and spent ten days with her. She was a bartender in the hotel that I stayed in. She asked me to write to her when I got home but it just seemed so far fetched to think about a relationship from that distance. I like most Americans am a sucker for an accent so maybe I was simply spellbound!
I am off to music lessons with S13 so I must end this ridiculous ranting. It has made me feel better and as always I am thankful to have the people here to talk to. If anyone thinks me a fool they keep it to themselves! I love you all and please pray for me and keep posting to my thread.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Great job, Shotgun, on the exercise! I was right there with you, walking my behind off. Literally. LOL
It makes me sick to think about dating. It's way too early for me, I know, but after what I've been through, I can't see myself ever taking such a risk again. To trust someone with all that I am and all that I have, and have it end so horribly? I'd rather be alone. Maybe that will change one day, but I can't see it presently.
It is nice to be validated by others, so I get the temptation...but listen to your IC. Your heart is more fragile than you realize, I bet. Being a LBS is tough to get over!
