Oh no offense taken here, it was an off the wall question I never thought of... I'll clarify a little also. She found out while off on maternity leave because he never changed his habits. This was all happening while she was usually at work and he basically exposed himself.
I know in a situation like that m, there is "baggage" that comes along but who doesn't have that? I know I do. I have an ex and a son.
Anyway, it doesn't matter at this point anyway because who knows what tomorrow brings. I could end up deciding to meet her and not giving it the time of day. The water may be too cold. Who knows haha
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Meeting her is something only you can decide. If you have hopes of reconciliation, then that throws another wrench into things. Some feel it is OK and encourage it while others don't. My personal opinion is as I stated earlier - if I have hopes of reconciliation with my W, then I won't ever consider dating anyone else. And yes, there have been several opportunities and some pressure from one much younger woman (in her 20s and I am 45), but I wouldn't and couldn't go there. My heart and energy is solely focused on my W, even though we are separated.
Last edited by Spiff69; 11/04/1505:17 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Where I stand conflicted on that end of it... I don't think I will ever lose that hope of one day it would be nice to build a new R. But if I don't ever get over it and don't look into other options I may live life for somebody who doesn't love me back forever? There's no guarantee no matter what I do that I will ever get another chance. Do I hope I do? 100%! Does that mean it gonna happen? Prolly 10% chance? No decisions are going to happen overnight, this will be a tough one which requires a lot more thought.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Where I stand conflicted on that end of it... I don't think I will ever lose that hope of one day it would be nice to build a new R. But if I don't ever get over it and don't look into other options I may live life for somebody who doesn't love me back forever? There's no guarantee no matter what I do that I will ever get another chance. Do I hope I do? 100%! Does that mean it gonna happen? Prolly 10% chance? No decisions are going to happen overnight, this will be a tough one which requires a lot more thought.
Excellent point, Uphill. It is a very tough decision and I know that you will choose the best path for you.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Where I stand conflicted on that end of it... I don't think I will ever lose that hope of one day it would be nice to build a new R. But if I don't ever get over it and don't look into other options I may live life for somebody who doesn't love me back forever? There's no guarantee no matter what I do that I will ever get another chance. Do I hope I do? 100%! Does that mean it gonna happen? Prolly 10% chance? No decisions are going to happen overnight, this will be a tough one which requires a lot more thought.
Ultimately, I agree with this. One day, I may find myself with the opportunity to reconcile with STBX. But Ive come too far to continue putting my life on hold for that day. But that decision is purely up to you.
I do agree with spiff that by going out with anyone, you are adding roadblocks to her way back to you. The question to you is whether that is important or not.
I definatly understand that would be a roadblock. But on that end of it, how long can you leave a crumbling bridge go before the cones go up and repairs get done?
I would say I am 50/50 on these thoughts right now. I'm not going to jump into anything serious right off the bat. If I click with somebody, maybe see where it goes? I don't want to make the road home bumpier than it has to be. I also don't want to let XF have the power to know I am sitting around single as a backup plan either. Lots of thinking to do...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Uphill, You're not sitting around single as a backup plan. You're working on you. You're moving on and improving with or with out her. You're being AWESOME! Just be awesome and work on you.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I definatly understand that would be a roadblock. But on that end of it, how long can you leave a crumbling bridge go before the cones go up and repairs get done?
That is solely up to you. How much does it mean to you? Are you willing to give it 6 months? A year? More? The reality of it is there is no set time and only you know. We can give you advice, but we don't know her at all. Only you do. You can set a time and say to yourself, if I don't see anything by xx time, then I will have a heart to heart with her. She may never turn around. Or she may realize that she has made a huge mistake. You are in limbo and that isn't a fun place to be. I know, because I am sitting in the seat next to you on that limbo train...
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I would say I am 50/50 on these thoughts right now. I'm not going to jump into anything serious right off the bat. If I click with somebody, maybe see where it goes? I don't want to make the road home bumpier than it has to be. I also don't want to let XF have the power to know I am sitting around single as a backup plan either. Lots of thinking to do...
See my statement above. Are you willing to do the time? Ask yourself this - if you click with someone else and the XF wants back and you decide to give it another go, wouldn't that be breaking someone else's heart? (I know, terrible analogy) There are all sorts of things to be thought about. But if there is clicking, that road home will become more than bumpier and may dang well be impassible. But that doesn't mean you have to be a backup plan, either. You are right, lots of thinking to do...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I have wanted to have a solid heart to heart for many months now. The problem is, if I were to actually get her to agree to sit down and chat (I don't think that would be a hard challenge), I would be laying all my cards on the table and pouring my heart out... Exactly what we can't do.
Sure it is possible that would work, very unlikely though. More likely to be seen as pursuing, begging and pleading? So in the end it would not only push her away but give her and her friends something new to make fun of me about.
In the meantime I will continue on my path of upgrading myself and keep thinking about my forthcoming choices l.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
