So i was going through my closet and i found a notepad that belonged to my wife. I just started reading it and came across 4 pages of her witting about our recent problems. She was writing a log of what i was messing up in. The logs were basically paragraphs on how I was a bad father. How i never spend time with my girls when i would come from work. She wrote about several scenarios where I just didnt pay attention to my daughters.(shameful). She described how one time we went to a park and she brought clothes for me in order to change and play in the water with the girls , i didnt and just stood there. How when i come from work i go straight to the couch. How i dont have initiative to even plan anything for the girls , but i have initiative to plan with my friends. how i only go in their room to play once or twice a month.etc etc. It was painful to read this but basically it's true. It's shame what i have become. I cant believe i was so blind and never did anything about it. Only until they left i got help. I feel terrible i subconsciously was doing the same thing they did to me as a child , making them feel neglected. God I was a bad dad, and i dont blame her for leaving me. I didnt deserve them. Now that i got help from my counselor I can see the damage i did and how my past affected me and my daughters and my wife. Why was i so blind !!! ? Now my family is cut in 2. I ruined my marriage to a point of no return. Now i promise to never hurt my daughters ever again.
You can have your pity party.
Then figure out what you did wrong. And fix it. For you and your daughters.
Just do it.
Make today the first day of being the best father possible.
